What do you do if you miss someone so much that it becomes a physical pain?
I leave the gas on
Walk the alleys in the dark
Sleep with candles burning
I leave the doors unlocked
I'm weaving a rope and
Running all the red lights
Did i catch your attention?
'Cause i'm sending all the signs that
The clock is ticking
And i'll be giving my two weeks
Pick your favourite shade of black
You'd best prepare a speech
Say something funny
Say something sweet
But don't say that you loved me
Only that i'd want you to say that i'm the only person you've ever loved, and the only one you'll ever love. I just want someone to love me. And i know you do. And so do i. But it really sucks that we can't be together.
Later.
but we've been dead for awhile
Monday, March 22
Thursday, March 11
What's this "right thing" i keep hearing about?
Sometimes it hurts to do the right thing. Most times it isn't worth it. All the time, it feels like your heart's being stabbed again and again, and it will never end. But always, it's something that i guess everyone has to do sometime in their life.
Even if it means hurting so much you just want to slit your wrists and let the blood wash away the pain.
Even if it means feeling so depressed that you just want to swallow that whole bottle of pills and let oblivion take away the hurt.
Yeah, even then.
Even then you're stuck having to do the goddamn, fucking "right thing".
And how can you know if it's the "right thing" to do, when all it brings to your life is more pain, more hurt, without an escape?
How can it be the "right thing" if it hurts oh-so-fucking-much just thinking about it?
Sometimes, what doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger. It just makes you want to finish the job yourself.
Later.
Even if it means hurting so much you just want to slit your wrists and let the blood wash away the pain.
Even if it means feeling so depressed that you just want to swallow that whole bottle of pills and let oblivion take away the hurt.
Yeah, even then.
Even then you're stuck having to do the goddamn, fucking "right thing".
And how can you know if it's the "right thing" to do, when all it brings to your life is more pain, more hurt, without an escape?
How can it be the "right thing" if it hurts oh-so-fucking-much just thinking about it?
Sometimes, what doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger. It just makes you want to finish the job yourself.
Later.
And the worst part is...
Before it gets any better we're headed for a cliff
And in the freefall i will realise
I'm better off when i hit the bottom
So maybe that's not the worst part anymore. I think the worst part in life isn't when you're gonna fall. The worst part is when you have to decide when you will fall, and who you're gonna take with you.
If i had to choose, i would want to die alone. The best way would be if no one knew. I mean, if no one knows about it, they won't/ can't possibly feel sad, can they? And i really don't want the people who care about me to be unhappy.
I guess that's why i almost always seem to end up feeling screwed. Like life isn't worth living. 'Cause i've realised that for my entire life, i have never done anything for myself. As in, my results are good because my parents have expectations of me. Sure, i have my own expectations too, but somehow i'm more unwilling to not meet my parents' expectations. I realise that i don't have a goal in life. I don't know what i'm living for anymore.
I only know that you are the only thing keeping me sane. I honestly can't do it, can't cope with life if you're not there. But i guess i'm going to have to learn to be independent. To survive without you. I guess i can live without you, but without you, nothing's ever gonna be the same.
You made everything seem possible. I actually believed all those dreams i had were going to come through. But now i'm second-guessing and doubting myself. Maybe i just saw what i wanted to, and it blinded me to everything else. Naivete has always been my problem. I guess i have to learn to stand on my own two feet now.
Just know that you were -- and still are -- the best thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly love you.
Later.
And in the freefall i will realise
I'm better off when i hit the bottom
So maybe that's not the worst part anymore. I think the worst part in life isn't when you're gonna fall. The worst part is when you have to decide when you will fall, and who you're gonna take with you.
If i had to choose, i would want to die alone. The best way would be if no one knew. I mean, if no one knows about it, they won't/ can't possibly feel sad, can they? And i really don't want the people who care about me to be unhappy.
I guess that's why i almost always seem to end up feeling screwed. Like life isn't worth living. 'Cause i've realised that for my entire life, i have never done anything for myself. As in, my results are good because my parents have expectations of me. Sure, i have my own expectations too, but somehow i'm more unwilling to not meet my parents' expectations. I realise that i don't have a goal in life. I don't know what i'm living for anymore.
I only know that you are the only thing keeping me sane. I honestly can't do it, can't cope with life if you're not there. But i guess i'm going to have to learn to be independent. To survive without you. I guess i can live without you, but without you, nothing's ever gonna be the same.
You made everything seem possible. I actually believed all those dreams i had were going to come through. But now i'm second-guessing and doubting myself. Maybe i just saw what i wanted to, and it blinded me to everything else. Naivete has always been my problem. I guess i have to learn to stand on my own two feet now.
Just know that you were -- and still are -- the best thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly love you.
Later.
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