And the worst part is...

Before it gets any better we're headed for a cliff
And in the freefall i will realise
I'm better off when i hit the bottom

So maybe that's not the worst part anymore. I think the worst part in life isn't when you're gonna fall. The worst part is when you have to decide when you will fall, and who you're gonna take with you.

If i had to choose, i would want to die alone. The best way would be if no one knew. I mean, if no one knows about it, they won't/ can't possibly feel sad, can they? And i really don't want the people who care about me to be unhappy.

I guess that's why i almost always seem to end up feeling screwed. Like life isn't worth living. 'Cause i've realised that for my entire life, i have never done anything for myself. As in, my results are good because my parents have expectations of me. Sure, i have my own expectations too, but somehow i'm more unwilling to not meet my parents' expectations. I realise that i don't have a goal in life. I don't know what i'm living for anymore.

I only know that you are the only thing keeping me sane. I honestly can't do it, can't cope with life if you're not there. But i guess i'm going to have to learn to be independent. To survive without you. I guess i can live without you, but without you, nothing's ever gonna be the same.

You made everything seem possible. I actually believed all those dreams i had were going to come through. But now i'm second-guessing and doubting myself. Maybe i just saw what i wanted to, and it blinded me to everything else. Naivete has always been my problem. I guess i have to learn to stand on my own two feet now.

Just know that you were -- and still are -- the best thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly love you.

Later.