Vampire Money

So the new Twilight thing is coming out. Again. Hordes of vampire-obssessed fangirls will be rushing to the theatres. Anyway. Thinking about Twilight and over-rated vampire movies/ books have resulted in this song playing in my head. MCR really is pretty good, but not my favourite.

Gerard: Well, are you ready, Ray?
Ray: Yeah...
Gerard: How about you, Frank?
Frank: Oh I'm there, baby
Gerard: How about you, Mikey?
Mikey: Fuckin' ready...
Gerard: Well, I think I'm alright

1-2-3-4

3-2-1 We came to fuck
Everybody party till the gasman comes
Sparkle like Bowie in the morning sun
And get a parking violation on La Brea till it's done

Hair back, collar up, jet black, so cool!
Sing it like the kids that are mean to you, c'mon

When you wanna be a movie star (c'mon! )
Play the game and take band real far (c'mon! )
Play it right and drive a Volvo car (c'mon! )
Pick a fight at an airport bar

The kids don't care if you're all right honey
Pills don't help but it sure is funny
Gimme gimme some of that vampire money c'mon!

Hey you look like somebody I used to know

And now 3-2-1 we got the bomb
Everybody hurry till the tax man comes
Glimmer like Bolan in the morning sun
And get your finger on the trigger
Tap the barrel of the a gun

Hair back, motherfucker!
Jet black, so cool
Sing it like the kids that are mean to you (c'mon! )

When you wanna be a movie star (c'mon! )
Play the game and take band real far (c'mon! )
Play it right and drive a Volvo car (c'mon! )
Pick a fight at an airport bar

The kids don't care if you're all right honey
Pills don't help but it sure is funny
Gimme gimme some of that vampire money c'mon!

Fuck yeah
That's right
1, 2, 3, 4

Well 3-2-1 we came to fuck
Everybody party till the gasman comes
Sparkle like Bowie in the morning sun
And get a parking violation on La Brea till it's done

Hair back, collar up, jet black, so cool!
Sing it like the kids that are mean to you (c'mon! )

When you wanna be a movie star (c'mon! )
Play the game and take band real far (c'mon! )
Play it right and drive a Volvo car (c'mon! )
Pick a fight at an airport bar

The kids don't care if you're all right honey
Pills don't help but it sure is funny
Gimme gimme some of that vampire money c'mon!
C'mon!

This party
I think it's way too loud
Gonna have to turn it down a little, sorry

Okay, I'm kinda still trying to make sense of the song. I understand bits and pieces but that's about it. No matter. It's more fun this way.

Right. New Twilight thing. This may come across as being wimpy about committing, but I will not, and cannot jump onto that bandwagon of condemning all things vampiric, but neither will I support it either. I mean, I'm NOT a fangirl. But I see no reason to be predictable and extremist and start bashing all things Twilgiht. People go like, Oh, a new vampire series? And they compare it to Twilight, all the while commenting on the sucky romance and cliched whatever.

Hmm. Unstructured thoughts. Not very coherent of me. Oh well, never mind.

Anyway. First of all, I would like to say that I honestly think it's stupid and a waste of time to "be in love" with Edward/ Jacob. Seriously? For crying out loud, they're NOT REAL. They're just ideas, representations of a type of guy. I swear, if I hear/ read about obssessed fangirls sighing over their supposed looks or personality, I will...do unmentionable things to them.

Uh. Right, on with the commentary.

The hype Twilight is generating is also disgusting. I know I'm only contributing to it, but still. A girl's gotta rant when a girl's gotta rant. Please, people. It's just a book series about (gag) sparkly vampires. In love. And werewolves. C'mon, how is this love triangle thing any different from the Taiwanese idol dramas or any other chick lit? And the other vampire novels/ series that seemed to be written overnight to cash in on the vampire craze... I have just one thing to say. W.T.F?

...

But of course, any good (though slightly incoherent) argument must be balanced. And so, I now find myself playing the role of defending Twilight. Or at least persuading people to hate it just a widdle bit less.

Uh. Okay.

First, for a cliched romance story, it's not that bad. Hey, I cried reading New Moon. Okay... In my defense, I missed you. But seriously, cut it some slack. Like Romeo and Juliet is any less melodramatic. And all the modern day R&Js, those are just asking for it.

And... Next, I suppose that people can relate to it or something.

...

Okay, this is to hard. I give up. Why am I trying to findredeeming qualities of Twilight? Never mind, don't answer that, random blog-hopper. Just...hop along.

Anyway, so that's that. Yet another exciting blogpost coming to an end. Before I go, I must confess... I watch Twilight, and I'm probably watching the latest one. Even though Pattinson is nowhere near the mental image I have of Edward, and it's ridiculous that Lautner walks around with his shirt off 99.9% of the time in the movies. It's like a train wreck, or any other accident. You just can't tear your eyes away from it.

Ah well. More next time. Pretty good for someone who hasn't blogged in like, what? A couple of months? Bad blogger. (That's me.) Okay, gotta go before I start rambling again.

Later.

P/S: Please try to be more careful. Falling down is so not cool. And very upsetting.

P/P/S: No song lyrics or witty quotes today. Sad face.

Oh wait.

Remember how our hands matched

Love lines, same size

I guess I should have checked

To see the lifelines were in line

Don't you justlove Bowling for Soup?

Meet me in the pouring rain

Should've waited for Valentine's for this one, but i'm just impatient, i guess. I'm actually not that worried about people flaming, 'cause not many read my blog anyway. This is my attempt at poetry. (Don't laugh either.)

I
Was just a girl
You
Were just a boy
We
Were just friends
Purely platonic
We never thought anything could change

At first glance
Your hair
Caught my attention immediately
Let me pick you out in a crowd
Your height
Made us equals
I could finally see eye-to-eye with someone
Your sharp wit
Cutting at times, but humorously so
I could get better than most
Strangely, i held that dear

The first time
Your eyes
Held me
A flicker, a spark
Made me believe there could be
Something more, perhaps?
Your hand
Slipped into mine
They fit perfectly
Your lips
Found mine, stayed there
Pressed against mine
Breathing seemed unnecessary

Now
Your arms
Around me in an embrace
Keeping me safe
From my nightmares, my fears
Your hands
All over me
And i want more
I always want more
Your lips
Pressed against mine again
Moving, perfectly synchronised
Your tongue
Intertwined with mine
Dancing, teasing
Your shoulder
Mine to lean on
Or cry on
Always there for me
Your eyes
Holding mine again
The spark, now a flame
Promising eternity together
Your voice
Whispering in my ear
Murmuring sweet everythings
Giving me strength
If i falter

I still want
Your scent
Enveloped in it
In the pillows, the sheets
My clothes, our bed
Your face
The first thing i see
When i wake up
Opening my eyes to perfection
Better, infinitely so
Better than the most glorious dawn
Your body
Warm, next to mine
Fitting snugly, perfectly
Like that missing puzzle piece
Your heart
Because you already stole mine
When i fell in love with you
And i'm content
For you to guard mine

But i want
To be entrusted with
Guarding yours
And our hearts beat in time
Inexplicably, irrevocably
A shared fate
I won't be getting out of this with my heart intact
But i would never want to
Leave, because
Without you
Only oblivion remains

I fell in love with you
I still love you
And i always will

That was mostly general and not too specific. =)
Hope you don't mind. I know it's a little weird, after your birthday but before Valentine's. But i figured you'd be fine with it. =)

Later.

kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain

I know i'm good at something

Another holiday. I realise that holidays are nothing but pit stops in the rat race of school life. You don't really get to rest. Just catch a quick breather. This couple of days i've been thinking alot. About schoolwork, about my future and just life in general. And i've had a few realisations. One: i used to be alot more hardworking. Now it seems like i'm just getting away with the bare minimum. Two: i'm still not quite sure of what i want from my future, and this uncertainty scares me. Three: life is... I don't even want to go there. Let's just say that i'm disenchanted.

It's all those thoughts about the future that's killing me. I keep thinking about the subject combinations and all that shit. And i'm still trying to figure out what path to take. My heart is telling me to go with what i want, but my mind (not to mention my parents) is telling me something else altogether.

...suddenly the urge to blog is gone. I really feel like curling up in some corner and just crying myself to sleep. You know why. But you don't care.

Later.

i just haven't found it yet

Say your prayers...

I don't understand.

Why can't people just get along? Maybe i'm not the best person to say this, maybe i don't have the right to say this. I'm not the most tolerable person around after all. But is it so hard to just...tolerate someone? I'm not even talking about liking the person, just tolerate. I'm sorry, but i just fail to see how that's a problem. Especially if the differences are minor ones, like what kind of music you like or what school you're from. It's not even racial or religious or whatever.

Maybe it's just me being, ironically, intolerant again. But i really don't understand.

This led me thinking: if people around me can't even set aside petty little differences, then i guess the same is to be expected from the rest of humanity. All those wars, those senseless battles that are fought just because of some difference in the way of thinking, or who you are. I guess all of those violent, useless wars, all those hurtful remarks and emotional trauma will just continue to occur both now and in the future. Though i suppose it's sort of like an innate human instinct, to shun those different from you.

Biologically, i'm sure there's an explanation. But in this age and day, where some of these alleged differences are only in our mind (a Christian American and an American who doesn't have any religion will probably have the same characteristics of an American, i'm sure, as will a Buddhist Chinese and a Muslim Chinese bear the same characeteristics of a Chinese, save for minor physical differences due to ancestral lineage), i'm starting to suspect that this sensless discrimination against people just slightly different from us can possibly be detrimental to the survival of the human race.

So i really, honestly, truthfully think that the world might be a better place after the apocalypse, or natural burning out due to global warming. Whether it's in 2012 or earlier or later. I think it's time to start over.

See, basically (i know how you don't like it when i use this word), we're a failed species. Hardly any of the other animals or plants or organisms have tried to exterminate a particular breed of their species because they thought that breed was inferior. Few animals, plants or ther organisms have wars amongst their own species so frequently, and seldom has killing of the same species occurred on such a massive scale, and for such selfish reasons. Nowadays, humans go to war because of things like different ideologies of different skin colour, things that are non-essential for survival. Animals, on the other hand, fight over things like territory, food, mates, etc. Basically, things that they need in order to survive and ensure continuity of their species. We humans, as a species, aren't doing what we should. I mean, okay, differentiation is good, because it helps us adapt to and survive in different conditions/ environment. But killing each other just because of some petty differences is just gonna set our whole species back by a lot. We're jsut killing our own people, because in the end, we ARE one people. The human race, that is.

So we've established that we are, in fact, a failed species.

Now, depending on what you believe in -- god(s), or science -- some apocalyptic disaster worthy of a Hollywood film or a gradual decline in our ability to survive will start happening. If you believe in any god, not just the Christian one, you'll believe that since we have not lived up to god's expectations, and have been sinful, he/ she will have to wipe out the human race by sending a deluge of rain resulting in flash floods, catastrophic earthquakes, or maybe just oblierate us. On the other hand, if you believe in science and Charles Darwin, you'll believe that since humans are an inferior species and there can only be survival of the fittest, we will just slowly die out as we will be unable to adapt. Either way, i'm pretty sure that our world is gonna end. In that sense. And yes, this is all OUR fault. 'Our' referring to every single human being.

So when the end comes, i hope everyone is prepared, because really, we've broiught this on ourselves. If only we had been good, peace-loving humans. But it's too late. Flash floods, or gradual dying out, we should be ready. And accept it. Say our final prayers, say our last farewells, because the end will come. It could be tomorrow, 10 years later, or a millenium later, or when our sun burns out. I just hope the end is quick.

Later.

they're the final punchline

I'm still breathing

What do you do if you miss someone so much that it becomes a physical pain?

I leave the gas on
Walk the alleys in the dark
Sleep with candles burning
I leave the doors unlocked
I'm weaving a rope and
Running all the red lights
Did i catch your attention?
'Cause i'm sending all the signs that
The clock is ticking
And i'll be giving my two weeks
Pick your favourite shade of black
You'd best prepare a speech
Say something funny
Say something sweet
But don't say that you loved me

Only that i'd want you to say that i'm the only person you've ever loved, and the only one you'll ever love. I just want someone to love me. And i know you do. And so do i. But it really sucks that we can't be together.

Later.

but we've been dead for awhile

What's this "right thing" i keep hearing about?

Sometimes it hurts to do the right thing. Most times it isn't worth it. All the time, it feels like your heart's being stabbed again and again, and it will never end. But always, it's something that i guess everyone has to do sometime in their life.

Even if it means hurting so much you just want to slit your wrists and let the blood wash away the pain.

Even if it means feeling so depressed that you just want to swallow that whole bottle of pills and let oblivion take away the hurt.

Yeah, even then.

Even then you're stuck having to do the goddamn, fucking "right thing".

And how can you know if it's the "right thing" to do, when all it brings to your life is more pain, more hurt, without an escape?

How can it be the "right thing" if it hurts oh-so-fucking-much just thinking about it?

Sometimes, what doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger. It just makes you want to finish the job yourself.

Later.

And the worst part is...

Before it gets any better we're headed for a cliff
And in the freefall i will realise
I'm better off when i hit the bottom

So maybe that's not the worst part anymore. I think the worst part in life isn't when you're gonna fall. The worst part is when you have to decide when you will fall, and who you're gonna take with you.

If i had to choose, i would want to die alone. The best way would be if no one knew. I mean, if no one knows about it, they won't/ can't possibly feel sad, can they? And i really don't want the people who care about me to be unhappy.

I guess that's why i almost always seem to end up feeling screwed. Like life isn't worth living. 'Cause i've realised that for my entire life, i have never done anything for myself. As in, my results are good because my parents have expectations of me. Sure, i have my own expectations too, but somehow i'm more unwilling to not meet my parents' expectations. I realise that i don't have a goal in life. I don't know what i'm living for anymore.

I only know that you are the only thing keeping me sane. I honestly can't do it, can't cope with life if you're not there. But i guess i'm going to have to learn to be independent. To survive without you. I guess i can live without you, but without you, nothing's ever gonna be the same.

You made everything seem possible. I actually believed all those dreams i had were going to come through. But now i'm second-guessing and doubting myself. Maybe i just saw what i wanted to, and it blinded me to everything else. Naivete has always been my problem. I guess i have to learn to stand on my own two feet now.

Just know that you were -- and still are -- the best thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly love you.

Later.

And the Oscar goes to...

Fuck. I can't believe i'm such a good actor.

But i guess it's needed, to mask the pain and veil the hurt. To pretend to everyone else that there's nothing wrong. Fuck, sometimes i'm so good i can even fool myself. I guess i really am deserving of an Oscar. And maybe if i tried hard enough, i could believe that everything is fine and the fucking pain will go away.
(And pigs may fly.)

And yeah, i'm perfectly fine and everything else i've just said is crap and should not be taken seriously, even if they really sound like they should be.

Fuck.

Later.

Hearts Burst Into Fire

I never thought that someone could affect me so much and so deeply. Being with you...is like lifting a veil frommy entire being. I feel so much more at ease and just so much more myself when i'm with you. And i feel like we're just so meant for each other.

So i guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that i can't be without you. When i'm alone in my room, when there's nothing to do to keep my mind occupied...that's when it hits me the hardest. I hate it that i can't do anything to change it. That even though i know this shouldn't be happening, that we belong together, i just can't stop us from being torn apart. And it's killing me inside. You said this isn't the end, that it can't keep us apart. I know that, but funnily enough, it's hurting like it really is the end.

I know how much you hate it when i'm emo. So i'll make you a promise right now. I promise never to be emo again. At least not in front of anyone. No one will see me cry. No one will have to comfort me when i'm feeling really fucked up, 'cause i promised not to be emo. I just won't be. I promise you.

I see your face in my mind as i [walk] away
None of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it'skilling me to se you go after all this time

Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie
It's the kind of ending you don't really want to see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now i don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing i know like the back of my hand
And i can't breathe wihtout you, but i have to breathe without you, but i have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road i tried to smooth
But people are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall

And we know it'snever simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing i know like the back of my hand
And i can't breathe without you, but i have to breathe without you, but i have to

It's two a.m., feeling like i just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feeling like i just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me

And i can't breathe without you, but i have to breathe without you, but i have to

I'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry

I promise to be good from now on. Those memories of you and me will be my protection against my nightmares, my talisman against my inner demons. There's no need to say that i won't forget you for as long as i live, 'cause you're my only reason for living. Forgetting you would be the same as losing the only reason to keep breathing. The only reason for my heart to keep beating.

I love you.

Run baby run, forever we'll be you and me

Later.

Russian roulette is not the same without a gun

Fairytales always have happy endings. But i guess that's 'cause they end when the writer stops writing. And more importantly, they're just stories. Things that could never happen in real life. Fairytale princesses and princes, riding on their white horses into the sunset and happily ever afters... That can't and won't ever happen in real life.

I guess girls always dream of their Prince Charming on a white horse, their knight in shining armour, someone to hold them in their arms and tell them that everything will be alright. I know, 'cause i used to. Been there, done that. But that's just it. It's just a freakin' dream. And you'll always wake up from a dream, and dreams will always fade away. The more you hold on to it; the more real the dream seems... It just hurts hell lot more when you wake up.

I guess i'm gonna wake up soon. And i already knowthat it's gonna hurt like hell. And that for every additional moment i spend in this dream of you and me, the pain that i feel when i wake up will intensify. But somehow, just maybe, i can live with the pain. Maybe it won't kill. It'll just remain a constant reminder of what once was and what could have and should have been.

I suppose this isn't anyone's fault. Not yours, not mine, not theirs, much as i would love to blame them. Or maybe just a little bit mine. Mine, for daring to think it could possibly last. Mine, for tempting fate. But just as the blame is mine, so is the pain.

You once told me that if i didn't love you anymore, yu'd detach yourself emotionally. Maybe the end of the year is a good time to do that. After all, a new year signifies a new start. And what could be a better way to start anew? You know i'll always be waiting, but maybe i should just be forgotten. Out with the old and in with the new.

Some days, when i feel hopeful, anything seems possible. Huh. But most days, i think there's no such thing as a miracle, i'm never really gonna get what i want. And there's no friggin' way i'm gonna survive this, intact.
But...whatthefuck. I guess i'll just deal with whatever comes.

So i guess i know what impending doom feels like. And i think i'm sinking to a new level of passivity. 'Cause now i don't ever feel like doing anything. Or, to be precise, nothing means anything to me now. I don't want to do anything, i only do stuff 'cause i need to. I guess, in a way, i'm breaking down. And i can't stop it, or maybe i don't want to stop it, 'cause maybe before it gets any better, [i'm] headed for a cliff. And in the freefall i will realise that i'm better off when i hit the bottom. Maybe letting myself break down is a better choice. Better than pretending to myself and everyone else around me that i'm fine, when i'm so obviously not.

I'm walking a fine line, the sort i'm forced to, and the sort that i can't fail. I'm walking that fine line between someone with personality and preferences, and someone who listens to her parents and teachers and coach without fail and lives up to their high expectations. Someone you love, and someone eveyone else expects me to be. Maybe i shoud just give up this losing struggle. Be who i should be, what everyone wants me to be. What is expected of me, a projected image, a mirage, instead of the real me. Or maybe i should end all this shit, with the only way i know how. Running away. Running from the responsibilities and expectations, to somewhere i can rest in peace.

I'm just so tired. Of people making demands. Of people expecting me to do all those things. Of doing things to make them happy, when i have no interest whatsoever in what i'm doing. Of doing things, working hard, just to get their approval. FUCK. I am so sick of it all. Fuck.

all i wanted was you

Later. If i'm still alive.

P/S: as if anyone cares.

Rehab

No, not the song. Me. No, i'm not on drugs or anything illegal like that. Only that i'm sure trying to get me off THIS drug is gonna be so much harder. Mind over matter, you say. But you see, the problem is that for me, in this case, it's all 'cause of the mind.

Haiz. I don't even know what the shit i'm writing anymore. And i guess i don't really care anymore. Suddenly i don't even feel like blogging. And it's so damn ironic, 'cause i'm losing the one reason why i don't blog, so theoretically i should blog more. But then again... welcome to real life, i guess. Where nothing really makes sense.

So this is gonna be a really short post. Yeah. Life sucks, etc. Fuck it all.

Later.

Last friggin' one

The end is near.

Lol. I meant the end of exams. So here i am, researching for that crappy CID paper they added just to make us suffer more. Yeah, sadistic SOBs, i know, i know. So yeah, no time to talk, blah blah. Was nice typing this. See ya when i'm done with this crap. Aka exams. Yeah, i'm one depressed person. I know.

Later.

Random-ness

The Part of You That No One Sees is Afraid

You are passionate, romantic, and emotional. You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it. You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out. Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable. Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there. You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

Your Inner Pop Princess Is Kelly Clarkson

"Grew up in a small town And when the rain would fall down I'd just stare out my window Dreaming of what could be" No doubt about it, you have star quality. Might just take a while to get there.

Who's Your Inner Pop Princess?

Your Taste in Music:

Teen Pop: High Influence Alternative Rock: Medium Influence Adult Alternative: Low Influence Nineties: Low Influence Pop: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

You Are 32% Girly

You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit. Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way.

How Girly Are You?

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!

How Scary Are You?

You Are a Rocker Girl!

If you don't have musical talent, you've got a talent for picking out great CD's. Music rules your life - and you've got the best MP3 collection of anyone you know. Many guys find you intimidating, but a select few think you're the catch of a lifetime. Start hanging out in more used record stores, and you'll find love with a fellow rocker!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

You Will Sleep With 1 Person

Better get cracking!

How Many People Will You Sleep With?

Your Relationship Will Last... A Long Time!

Your guy is ideal, as close to Mr. Perfect as he could be If you took this quiz, you may be doubting that... Don't! No guy is perfect but yours comes really close You guys will last for many years, as long as you appreciate him!

How Long Will Your Relationship With Your Guy Last?

It's 90% Love and 10% Lust

You and your guy are truly in love, even if that spark seems to be a little dimmer.

Are Your Feelings For Him Lust or Love?

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from The Empire Strikes Back

"Captain, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance. You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea. For you, the perfect kiss involves the perfect mood. It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet.

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

You Are Trusting In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

You Can Make 53% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

You certainly have this dating thing down - and you know how to charm most people. And when your charm seems broken, just think back to what has worked in the past. You have the tools to make almost anyone fall in love with you - you just have to put them into action.

Can You Make Anyone Fall in Love With You?

Roses Say You're Very Affectionate

You are a classic romantic who believes in true love. You often experience deep emotions and feel warmth toward almost everyone. You are a bundle of positive feelings and sweetness. You can are easily hurt, and people should be careful with your heart.

What Do The Flowers You Pick Say About You?

You Are Catwoman

"Life's a bitch. Now so am I."

What Superheroine Are You?

You Are 67% Bitchy

While you may not think of yourself as the ice queen, admit it, you're often in a bad mood. And it's those around you who often bear the brunt of your annoyance, even if they haven't done anything wrong!

How Bitchy Are You?

Your Lust Quotient: 43%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it. Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

You Are 16% Slacker

You are anything but a slacker. You're truly a go getter. You never let laziness get in the way of living your life - and you can't stand to see it in others.

Are You a Slacker?

You Are Bold And Brave

But are you daring? Not usually. You tend to make calculated risks. So while you may not be base jumping any time soon... You are up for whatever is new and (a little) exciting!

How Daring Are You?

You Are Fearless

You have great dreams and unrelenting ambition. You go for what you want, and it's hard to deter you. You are incredibly competent and intelligent. You've had a very high success rate in your life. You tend to dominate people. You have a very strong personality, and others tend to heed to your demands. You're confident enough to be considered arrogant. You tend to think of other people in terms of what they can do for you.

Are You Flirtatious, Fearless, Factual, or Friendly?

Your Love Life is Like Titanic

"Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless." You think that you only really have one true love in your life. And that you better to anything and everything to be with that person. You tend to be very nostalgic about past loves that didn't work out. There are many secret feelings that you keep to yourself. Your love style: Deep and emotional Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Bittersweet

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

You are a Total Romantic

For you, love is like a fairy tale. Or magic. Or a Meg Ryan movie. Problem is, you sort of want all three. You bring the spark in the relationship In turn, you expect your guy to keep the fire burning Not a bad deal, as long as you find the right Prince.

Are You a Romantic or Realistic Girl?

You Are Chocolate

You make people feel euphoric and dreamy. You're very addicting. You definitely drive people to passion, lust, and even obsession. While you are quite sensual, you are also comforting. You sure know how to work your magic. It doesn't take long to get someone to love you.

What Aphrodisiac Are You?

Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is

After dinner at your favorite restaurant, at the spot where you first kissed.

What's Your Ideal Marriage Proposal?

You Should Honeymoon in Europe!

You are a traditional romantic at heart... With a taste for fine wine, museums and beautiful walks. You and your sweetie should get romantic in a cafe in Paris Or get a Eurail pass - and see as many cities as possible! Suggested destinations: Paris, Venice, London, Greece

Where Would Your Dream Guy Take You on Your Honeymoon?

Your Dress Says You're Upscale Stylish

Your Personal Style: Classic and elegant. You prefer to make a statement with a few quality pieces. Your Ideal Wedding: Traditional and formal, but not tacky. You think the most beautiful weddings are understated. Your Philosophy on Marriage: It's a serious commitment, and the couple entering it should be ready to work for their relationship. Your Perfect Marriage: Is calm, stable, deep, and meaningful.

The Wedding Dress Test

You Are a Skin Deep Sweetheart

You may be supermodel gorgeous or a plain Jane. It really doesn't matter, because you're confident and secure. You don't go out looking like a slob, but you are low maintenance. You have better things to worry about than whether your nails are the right shade!

Are You a Vain Girl?

The PJ's You Are Most Like: His Shirt

You're a loyal and caring girlfriend who can't get enough of her man So much so that you love to have him with you 24-7 And when he's gone, wearing his shirt is the next best thing

What Kind of PJ's Girl Are You?

He's a Great Boyfriend

You guy definitely loves you and knows how to treat you right. You have a five star boyfriend - so make sure you treat him right too!

Is He a Good Boyfriend?

You Are a Blue Crayon

Your world is colored in calm, understated, deep colors. You are a loyal person, and the truest friend anyone could hope to find. On the inside, you tend to be emotional and even a bit moody. However, you know that people depend on you. So you put on a strong front. Your color wheel opposite is orange. Orange people may be opinionated, but you feel they lack the depth to truly understand what they're saying.

What Color Crayon Are You?

This is cute. =)

You Are a Soft Kisser

Your kissing style is understated, but effective You give soft, sweet, and soulful kisses. And the key is, you only give kisses to someone incredibly special Because you don't just go around kissing anyone

What's Your Kissing Style?

Your Envy Quotient: 42%

You are an envious person, but only at times. Perhaps certain situations trigger your envy. Or maybe you're especially jealous when you're feeling insecure. Instead of letting that green monster out, work on making your own life better. And then maybe people will be envious of you.

How Much Envy Do You Have?

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high. You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person. And in return, you expect the same from who you love. Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is medium. You probably have had a couple significant loves. And you may have even had your heart broken. But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people. Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

The Five Variable Love Test

You Are a Purple Flower

A purple flower tends to represent success, grace, and elegance. At times, you are faithful like a violet. And other times, you represent luxury, like a wisteria. And more than you wish, you find yourself heartbroken like a lilac.

What Color Flower Are You?

You Believe that Love is Devotion

When you think of love, you think of committing to one person for the rest of your life. In love, you see things how they could be. You are wrapped up in your own dreams. If you are in love, you like to keep it a secret for a while. It feels more special that way. You are somewhat patient in love. You can wait for the right person, but once you have found the right one, you're very impatient.

The Rose Test

You Are 36% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Ookay... So maybe i AM a psychopath.

Your Quirk Factor: 45%

You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it. Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them!

How Quirky Are You?

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom People find you to be: Loyal, honest, and comforting Your best trait: You are comfortable with who you are, and you don't pretend to be someone you're not What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

You Are 76% Borderline

Many signs point toward you having a borderline personality. It's probably a good idea to seek therapy. Or at least read a self help book.

Do You Have a Borderline Personality?

Your True Love Is an Aquarius

Why you'll love an Aquarius: Independent yet devoted, you'll appreciate the unique approach to love Aquarius takes. You both see love as a bit of a game, and Aquarius will challenge you until you're completely hooked. Why an Aquarius will love you: You're secure enough to give Aquarius tons of space - even if it means separate interests and friends. You have the brains to keep Aquarius engaged and curious. And the passion to change the world together!

What Sign Is Your True Love?

I swear i didn't look at the answers first or anything. =) But it rocks.

Your Wrath Quotient: 66%

Everyone around you pretty much fears your wrath... which is probably what you want. But just remember, there's a very thin line between fear and hate!

How Much Wrath Do You Have?

You Are 68% Pure

Well, you're not exactly an angel - but you're pretty darn close. You don't have much of a naughty past... nothing all that scandalous anyway. But there's a good chance you have a couple juicy secrets deep in your closet! You've had a couple wild adventures. And you probably keep the details to yourself.

How Pure Are You?

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame. You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out. You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable. You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go. Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive. Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

What's Your Element?

You Have Many Alpha Tendencies

You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way. You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix.

Are You an Alpha Female?

Your Superpower Should Be Manipulating Fire

You are intense, internally driven, and passionate. Your emotions are unpredictable - and they often get the better of you. Both radiant and terrifying, people are drawn to you. At your most powerful, you feel like the world belongs to you. Why you would be a good superhero: You are obsessive enough to give it your all Your biggest problem as a superhero: Your moodiness would make it difficult to control your powers

What Should Your Superpower Be?

You Are a Dragon

You are very charismatic and incredibly popular. People are drawn to your energy, but you are a very difficult person to get to know. You are very active. You are usually hard at work or play. You enjoy drama, and you enjoy anything unusual or eccentric.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

I have a nagging feeling that this time, it's just me...

Lol. Dunno what's with the title. Randomness. Holidays are ending. They're talking about extending it. Due to the swine flu (sorry, H1N1) thing. Don't really know why, but i can't stop thinking of it as swine flu. Makes it less scary, i guess. This...pandemic (yeah, they're using that now) kinda made me think about stuff. Not that i'm really worried or anything, which is kinda weird, 'cause you'd think that being old enough to understand death (in a way) would make me scared. But i'm not. Didn't mean to sound cocky/ arrogant/ fearless. 'Cause i'm not. Just that it's this...thought that "it'll never be me". Even though time and again we hear stories of how that thought is proven wrong, but they're so...impersonal that that's all they'll ever be. Stories.

Anyway, back to thinking about stuff. Lol. More precisely, death. As in, yeah, i've thought about it (i mean, who hasn't?) but i've always been thinking of it as an ending. Like...to get rid of all emotions? As a way of finally getting peace. Sorry if i scared anyone. But now, i find myself actually thinking of what would happen if the people i know and love (like) are gone. Even those people i really can't stand. I know they say it's bad luck to talk/ think about this kinda stuff. But if i don't, i don't think i'll be...prepared for it when it comes. But still...TOUCH WOOD. 'Cause i'm really afraid of being all alone. It's an irrational fear, but it's still a fear. I don't think i'm afraid of dying. Mostly i'm just afraid of being alone when i die. But then i guess you're always alone when you die. Even if you're surrounded by people you know. And that's really scary, for me. I think that's why i'm always worried you'd leave me. 'Cause being with you seems so natural to me now. And i can't begin to imagine how it'll be without you. How much it'll hurt. And i guess all this is just really childish, in a way. Like a little girl who's afraid of the dark, even though there's really nothing to be afraid of. It's just the absence of light. But i guess all of us are just afraid of uncertainty. Like not knowing what could be lying in wait for you in the dark. Like not knowing what the future will bring.

I think this is kinda why i can't let go of things. How i don't really like change. 'Cause only NOW is certain. The past is gone, and the future is shrouded in mist, unclear. Only the present doesn't change. 'Cause it's now. Duh. And i guess i'm afraid of change. But sometimes it's for the better.

More next time, i hope.

Later.

To hell with global warming. We'll all burn in hell anyway.

Don't know why i'm so negative these days. Isn't like anyone can tell anyway. And the reason i'm blogging this? 'Cause my blog is dead and no one comes here, so it doesn't matter if i'm being depressing.

That said, i'd rather whoever sees this don't tag me with sympathetic messages. 'Cause i'm not freaking doing this/ writing this for sympathy. That's just dumb, stupid, ridiculous and annoying. And obviously i'm none of the above. Oh no, i've never annoyed anyone/ been mean to anyone/ been really sarcastic to anyone. Especially not now. So you see, that's how i have so many friends. No, i'm definitely not being sarcastic.

What the fuck i honestly don't know what's wrong with me. Some days i wake up and i don't want to go to school. 'Cause it isn't worth going. Some days i just feel so alone. Like (almost) no one cares about me. Like there's (almost) nothing worth living for.

Zz. Maybe i'll get referred to a psychologist after people read this. As in, people who don't know me. To hell with it.

Speaking of hell, i think i'm going there when i die. I mean, not that i really believe there's hell - i've never really believed in an afterlife till you came along - but the concept of hell, as a place where people have to face the consequnces of the bad/ evil things they've done. And i think that despit some people who might think that being a good/"guai" student like me, i could do no wrong, they are SO wrong. There're so many things i wished i didn't do or wished i could've done better.

...okay, now i'm starting to scare myself. That looked like a suicide note/ letter. NOT that i'd have any idea how one would look like. (Of 'cause not, no way.) And i need to stop being depressing.

Cross-country tomorrow. Hope i don't die. (crosses fingers and prays hard) OR maybe it won't make any difference. Except to you.

Later.

Who says teenagers don't do anything?

Okay whatever. I know i haven't been posting for a really long time and you can't blame me. Really busy and exhausted. Physically and emotionally. Anyway netball zonals just over. To all netballers: WE DID GREAT. Fought hard and everything. Even those who didn't play (like me). I'm sure the encouragement was helpful? Anyway GOOD JOB everyone. Love you people. Happy holidays btw. (Yeah i know it's late.)

Holidays. Should've known it'd be yet another opportunity for teachers to give us moutains of homework. Seriously, what holiday? I don't care, i want to go out at least twice this march hols. Therefore the chionging of homework on the first day of holidays. Yeah, right now. But i suppose it'll be worth it. So the outings better be good. Or else. Lol. Kidding. But yeah, i really need to TAKE A BREAK.

... Actually been thinking about some really deep and dark stuff. But dun wanna spoil this post's "happy" vibe, even if it's kinda put on. Dun get me wrong, i'm glad of the holidays, i love the fact that i got my phone back. But sometimes things seem pretty empty. Like, meaningless. I'm seriously scaring myself and i think i'm gonna stop now.

Happy holidays people. Dun be an emo kia like me. (And yeah, i'm changing. Emo-ing drains alot of energy.)

Later.

XO

Happy (damn belated) Valentine's Day! As you can see my blog is dead, but i'm not and neither is my love for all of you. Haha lol. Love ya all 2a + RVNB + whoever loves me back. =)

Later. (Okay, alot later.)

P/S: Incidentally that (points at title) is a song by FOB. And i didn't go for the concert. Yes, i'm still sore about that fact. Especially when others are going on and on about it.

Holiday VII

... Okay. Really dun feel like talking about my holiday liao. I'm boring myself. LOL. So just briefly... Today went to yang ming shan. IT WAS FREAKIN' COLD!!! I was freezing my butt off there. The view was pretty good. And a cool restaurant with quite good food. The restaurant doesn't have a menu. The food served is like, decided on the spur of the moment by the chef or something. Pretty cool. =)

LOL. That's all about today. And I STILL HAVEN'T GOT SOUVENIRS FOR THE GUYS! Whatthehell... Gonna go shopping tomorrow. Anyway. Gonna start a new post.

Later.

Holiday VI

To those who think my holiday updates are interesting... You guys are lucky i changed my mind. You should thank the person who changed my mind. I was gonna stop posting 'cause i felt too sian. Oh well. But now i feel obliged to continue. I think i'll just post when i feel like, though. Not everyday. Today... Was boring. And disappointing. Went all the way from taipei to hsinchu before lunch. For a strawberry farm which was totally run-down and crappy. So went all the way back for dinner. Like, whatthehell?! LOL. You know i hate disappointments. But, well. That's life, i guess. Though the spam smses (though i'd save all of 'em if i could) brightened my day. =) Loved it. Thanks! (you-know-who)

Anyway not much stuff to blog about except that i'll upload the pics really soon... Okay, maybe with the class chalet ones i hope to take? Haha.

Later.

Holiday V

DAY 5
Okay. I'm seriously getting lazier. I think i'm just gonna post the highlights of the day. Like today, didn't do anything much. Just shopped. And i'm glad to say that i got souvenirs for all the 2A girls already. =) So i'm just left with the guys' stuff. Which is gonna be so much harder. Haiz. Any ideas, guys? LOL.

... Anyway i'm so outta things to talk about. Other than some...thoughts. I'm so SO freakin' depressed. Haiz. I miss smsing you so much. Damn. I feel so dumb. A couple of days and i can't stand it. So SO dumb. I felt so tempted to sms you today. Haiz. =(

Later.