Some people are so influential

I may not the best person to say this, but can't you people stop emo-ing? (I know. Ironic. Who was the one who cried in school? LOL. But still.) I'm only saying this 'cause i actually care about you people, just like how you all were with me when i was emo. Dun emo kae? If not i'll feel emo as well.



...

Shit. I hate it when this happens. All of a sudden i'm feeling emo. It's like, it sneaks up on me and BAM, i feel emo. But not for no reason. Maybe i shouldn't be so easily influenced, but whatthehell, i feel emo after reading his post. And talking to ZM. And after what happened today. It's like i've been doing fine the whole..past couple of weeks or something. And now this. I guess i should have known it was just a matter of time before i relapsed. It's like some kinda withdrawal thing. Like emo-ing is something that's part of me now. Did any of you know this year was the year i cried the most? About the same as the number of times i cried from 2001 till 2007 dec 31. And it's not even the end of the year yet.

Crying wasn't my thing. Neither was emo-ing. When i was sad or emo, i used to get really pissed and start shouting at people so i wouldn't cry instead. But now, it's like i finally learnt to cry. Maybe it isn't that bad a thing. It showed me a side of myself i've never dared to let out. It's about time i found myself. And maybe this side of me, this more vulnerable side isn't that bad. Since i'm supposedly "unstable" and have so many mood swings, i guess i can continue doing that. Heck, I dun suppose people will be that surprised if i do myself in one of these days. It doesn't seem like such a bad idea now.

But then, i guess i was being really selfish. Even if i dun wanna think of myself, still gotta think of others. People who care about me, people who will be hurt. Or maybe i'm just deluding myself and no one (except someone) really cares.

Dun know what i'm writing. Dun really care. Dun care who reads this either. Just wanna get this outta my head. So much i wanna say. Argh. Dun you people know what is the meaning of PRIVACY? Like, personal space, time alone? I wanna do/ say the things i wanna do/ say. I hate it when there are so many stuffs to consider. I want my privacy back. I want it to continue being a secret, but i guess there's no turning back now. "Scandalous". Whatthehell. Too much publicity isn't a good thing. I never wanted this. I just wanted to be happy, okay? Whatthebloodyhell. NOW IT'S SO SCREWED. And i feel like doing something drastic. They all know anyway. What's the point?

They all think it's so...fun, so "cool" to hurt people where they're the weakest. So what if you know it all? I may do something to shock you all. Dun worry, if i'm gonna be punished it'll just be me. I'd rather die than let someone take the blame for/with me. I'll be responsible for the things i do. Ask no questions and i'll tell no lies. I dun wanna lie to people, but sometimes they leave me with no choice. So, sorry guys. It was never on purpose.

I need to talk to someone. It's not a want, it's a need. And i can tell it's not happening in the near future. Hell, is this really that wrong? If they can give me a better reason then maturity level and studies, i'm willing to listen. Otherwise, i think i'm quite sure of what i'm doing, thank you very much. And i'm not doing it for my image or my publicity or whatever crap you guys can come up with. I'm doing it for us. Enough said.

Emo-ness comes so easily but takes damn long to go away. But i welcome it back like an old friend. I'm such a weird person.

I'm on the brink of breakdown/ Need you there for me/ When the darkness ends, there's light

Later.