The end is near.
Lol. I meant the end of exams. So here i am, researching for that crappy CID paper they added just to make us suffer more. Yeah, sadistic SOBs, i know, i know. So yeah, no time to talk, blah blah. Was nice typing this. See ya when i'm done with this crap. Aka exams. Yeah, i'm one depressed person. I know.
Later.
Saturday, October 10
Thursday, July 9
Random-ness
The Part of You That No One Sees is Afraid |
 You are passionate, romantic, and emotional. You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it. You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out. Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable. Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there. You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful. |
Your Inner Pop Princess Is Kelly Clarkson |
 "Grew up in a small town And when the rain would fall down I'd just stare out my window Dreaming of what could be" No doubt about it, you have star quality. Might just take a while to get there. |
Your Taste in Music: |
 Teen Pop: High Influence Alternative Rock: Medium Influence Adult Alternative: Low Influence Nineties: Low Influence Pop: Low Influence |
You Are 32% Girly |
 You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit. Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way. |
You Are Scary |
 You even scare scary people sometimes! |
You Are a Rocker Girl! |
 If you don't have musical talent, you've got a talent for picking out great CD's. Music rules your life - and you've got the best MP3 collection of anyone you know. Many guys find you intimidating, but a select few think you're the catch of a lifetime. Start hanging out in more used record stores, and you'll find love with a fellow rocker! |
You Will Sleep With 1 Person |
 Better get cracking! |
Your Relationship Will Last... A Long Time! |
 Your guy is ideal, as close to Mr. Perfect as he could be If you took this quiz, you may be doubting that... Don't! No guy is perfect but yours comes really close You guys will last for many years, as long as you appreciate him! |
It's 90% Love and 10% Lust |
 You and your guy are truly in love, even if that spark seems to be a little dimmer. |
Your Famous Movie Kiss is from The Empire Strikes Back |
 "Captain, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited." |
You're a Romantic Kisser |
 For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance. You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea. For you, the perfect kiss involves the perfect mood. It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet. |
You Are Trusting In Love |
 You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard. |
You Can Make 53% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You |
 You certainly have this dating thing down - and you know how to charm most people. And when your charm seems broken, just think back to what has worked in the past. You have the tools to make almost anyone fall in love with you - you just have to put them into action. |
Roses Say You're Very Affectionate |
 You are a classic romantic who believes in true love. You often experience deep emotions and feel warmth toward almost everyone. You are a bundle of positive feelings and sweetness. You can are easily hurt, and people should be careful with your heart. |
You Are Catwoman |
 "Life's a bitch. Now so am I." |
You Are 67% Bitchy |
 While you may not think of yourself as the ice queen, admit it, you're often in a bad mood. And it's those around you who often bear the brunt of your annoyance, even if they haven't done anything wrong! |
Your Lust Quotient: 43% |
 You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it. Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild! |
You Are 16% Slacker |
 You are anything but a slacker. You're truly a go getter. You never let laziness get in the way of living your life - and you can't stand to see it in others. |
You Are Bold And Brave |
 But are you daring? Not usually. You tend to make calculated risks. So while you may not be base jumping any time soon... You are up for whatever is new and (a little) exciting! |
You Are Fearless |
 You have great dreams and unrelenting ambition. You go for what you want, and it's hard to deter you. You are incredibly competent and intelligent. You've had a very high success rate in your life. You tend to dominate people. You have a very strong personality, and others tend to heed to your demands. You're confident enough to be considered arrogant. You tend to think of other people in terms of what they can do for you. |
Your Love Life is Like Titanic |
 "Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless." You think that you only really have one true love in your life. And that you better to anything and everything to be with that person. You tend to be very nostalgic about past loves that didn't work out. There are many secret feelings that you keep to yourself. Your love style: Deep and emotional Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Bittersweet |
You are a Total Romantic |
 For you, love is like a fairy tale. Or magic. Or a Meg Ryan movie. Problem is, you sort of want all three. You bring the spark in the relationship In turn, you expect your guy to keep the fire burning Not a bad deal, as long as you find the right Prince. |
You Are Chocolate |
 You make people feel euphoric and dreamy. You're very addicting. You definitely drive people to passion, lust, and even obsession. While you are quite sensual, you are also comforting. You sure know how to work your magic. It doesn't take long to get someone to love you. |
Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is |
 After dinner at your favorite restaurant, at the spot where you first kissed. |
You Should Honeymoon in Europe! |
 You are a traditional romantic at heart... With a taste for fine wine, museums and beautiful walks. You and your sweetie should get romantic in a cafe in Paris Or get a Eurail pass - and see as many cities as possible! Suggested destinations: Paris, Venice, London, Greece |
Your Dress Says You're Upscale Stylish |
 Your Personal Style: Classic and elegant. You prefer to make a statement with a few quality pieces. Your Ideal Wedding: Traditional and formal, but not tacky. You think the most beautiful weddings are understated. Your Philosophy on Marriage: It's a serious commitment, and the couple entering it should be ready to work for their relationship. Your Perfect Marriage: Is calm, stable, deep, and meaningful. |
You Are a Skin Deep Sweetheart |
 You may be supermodel gorgeous or a plain Jane. It really doesn't matter, because you're confident and secure. You don't go out looking like a slob, but you are low maintenance. You have better things to worry about than whether your nails are the right shade! |
The PJ's You Are Most Like: His Shirt |
 You're a loyal and caring girlfriend who can't get enough of her man So much so that you love to have him with you 24-7 And when he's gone, wearing his shirt is the next best thing |
He's a Great Boyfriend |
 You guy definitely loves you and knows how to treat you right. You have a five star boyfriend - so make sure you treat him right too! |
You Are a Blue Crayon |
 Your world is colored in calm, understated, deep colors. You are a loyal person, and the truest friend anyone could hope to find. On the inside, you tend to be emotional and even a bit moody. However, you know that people depend on you. So you put on a strong front. Your color wheel opposite is orange. Orange people may be opinionated, but you feel they lack the depth to truly understand what they're saying. |
This is cute. =)
You Are a Soft Kisser |
 Your kissing style is understated, but effective You give soft, sweet, and soulful kisses. And the key is, you only give kisses to someone incredibly special Because you don't just go around kissing anyone |
Your Envy Quotient: 42% |
 You are an envious person, but only at times. Perhaps certain situations trigger your envy. Or maybe you're especially jealous when you're feeling insecure. Instead of letting that green monster out, work on making your own life better. And then maybe people will be envious of you. |
Your Five Variable Love Profile |
 Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high. You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person. And in return, you expect the same from who you love. Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is medium. You probably have had a couple significant loves. And you may have even had your heart broken. But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people. Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together. |
You Are a Purple Flower |
 A purple flower tends to represent success, grace, and elegance. At times, you are faithful like a violet. And other times, you represent luxury, like a wisteria. And more than you wish, you find yourself heartbroken like a lilac. |
You Believe that Love is Devotion |
 When you think of love, you think of committing to one person for the rest of your life. In love, you see things how they could be. You are wrapped up in your own dreams. If you are in love, you like to keep it a secret for a while. It feels more special that way. You are somewhat patient in love. You can wait for the right person, but once you have found the right one, you're very impatient. |
You Are 36% Abnormal |
 You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer. |
Ookay... So maybe i AM a psychopath.
Your Quirk Factor: 45% |
 You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it. Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them! |
Your Eyes Should Be Brown |
 Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom People find you to be: Loyal, honest, and comforting Your best trait: You are comfortable with who you are, and you don't pretend to be someone you're not What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart |
You Are 76% Borderline |
 Many signs point toward you having a borderline personality. It's probably a good idea to seek therapy. Or at least read a self help book. |
Your True Love Is an Aquarius |
 Why you'll love an Aquarius: Independent yet devoted, you'll appreciate the unique approach to love Aquarius takes. You both see love as a bit of a game, and Aquarius will challenge you until you're completely hooked. Why an Aquarius will love you: You're secure enough to give Aquarius tons of space - even if it means separate interests and friends. You have the brains to keep Aquarius engaged and curious. And the passion to change the world together! |
I swear i didn't look at the answers first or anything. =) But it rocks.
Your Wrath Quotient: 66% |
 Everyone around you pretty much fears your wrath... which is probably what you want. But just remember, there's a very thin line between fear and hate! |
You Are 68% Pure |
 Well, you're not exactly an angel - but you're pretty darn close. You don't have much of a naughty past... nothing all that scandalous anyway. But there's a good chance you have a couple juicy secrets deep in your closet! You've had a couple wild adventures. And you probably keep the details to yourself. |
Your Element Is Fire |
 Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame. You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out. You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable. You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go. Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive. Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many. |
You Have Many Alpha Tendencies |
 You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way. You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix. |
Your Superpower Should Be Manipulating Fire |
 You are intense, internally driven, and passionate. Your emotions are unpredictable - and they often get the better of you. Both radiant and terrifying, people are drawn to you. At your most powerful, you feel like the world belongs to you. Why you would be a good superhero: You are obsessive enough to give it your all Your biggest problem as a superhero: Your moodiness would make it difficult to control your powers |
You Are a Dragon |
 You are very charismatic and incredibly popular. People are drawn to your energy, but you are a very difficult person to get to know. You are very active. You are usually hard at work or play. You enjoy drama, and you enjoy anything unusual or eccentric. |
Monday, June 22
I have a nagging feeling that this time, it's just me...
Lol. Dunno what's with the title. Randomness. Holidays are ending. They're talking about extending it. Due to the swine flu (sorry, H1N1) thing. Don't really know why, but i can't stop thinking of it as swine flu. Makes it less scary, i guess. This...pandemic (yeah, they're using that now) kinda made me think about stuff. Not that i'm really worried or anything, which is kinda weird, 'cause you'd think that being old enough to understand death (in a way) would make me scared. But i'm not. Didn't mean to sound cocky/ arrogant/ fearless. 'Cause i'm not. Just that it's this...thought that "it'll never be me". Even though time and again we hear stories of how that thought is proven wrong, but they're so...impersonal that that's all they'll ever be. Stories.
Anyway, back to thinking about stuff. Lol. More precisely, death. As in, yeah, i've thought about it (i mean, who hasn't?) but i've always been thinking of it as an ending. Like...to get rid of all emotions? As a way of finally getting peace. Sorry if i scared anyone. But now, i find myself actually thinking of what would happen if the people i know and love (like) are gone. Even those people i really can't stand. I know they say it's bad luck to talk/ think about this kinda stuff. But if i don't, i don't think i'll be...prepared for it when it comes. But still...TOUCH WOOD. 'Cause i'm really afraid of being all alone. It's an irrational fear, but it's still a fear. I don't think i'm afraid of dying. Mostly i'm just afraid of being alone when i die. But then i guess you're always alone when you die. Even if you're surrounded by people you know. And that's really scary, for me. I think that's why i'm always worried you'd leave me. 'Cause being with you seems so natural to me now. And i can't begin to imagine how it'll be without you. How much it'll hurt. And i guess all this is just really childish, in a way. Like a little girl who's afraid of the dark, even though there's really nothing to be afraid of. It's just the absence of light. But i guess all of us are just afraid of uncertainty. Like not knowing what could be lying in wait for you in the dark. Like not knowing what the future will bring.
I think this is kinda why i can't let go of things. How i don't really like change. 'Cause only NOW is certain. The past is gone, and the future is shrouded in mist, unclear. Only the present doesn't change. 'Cause it's now. Duh. And i guess i'm afraid of change. But sometimes it's for the better.
More next time, i hope.
Later.
Anyway, back to thinking about stuff. Lol. More precisely, death. As in, yeah, i've thought about it (i mean, who hasn't?) but i've always been thinking of it as an ending. Like...to get rid of all emotions? As a way of finally getting peace. Sorry if i scared anyone. But now, i find myself actually thinking of what would happen if the people i know and love (like) are gone. Even those people i really can't stand. I know they say it's bad luck to talk/ think about this kinda stuff. But if i don't, i don't think i'll be...prepared for it when it comes. But still...TOUCH WOOD. 'Cause i'm really afraid of being all alone. It's an irrational fear, but it's still a fear. I don't think i'm afraid of dying. Mostly i'm just afraid of being alone when i die. But then i guess you're always alone when you die. Even if you're surrounded by people you know. And that's really scary, for me. I think that's why i'm always worried you'd leave me. 'Cause being with you seems so natural to me now. And i can't begin to imagine how it'll be without you. How much it'll hurt. And i guess all this is just really childish, in a way. Like a little girl who's afraid of the dark, even though there's really nothing to be afraid of. It's just the absence of light. But i guess all of us are just afraid of uncertainty. Like not knowing what could be lying in wait for you in the dark. Like not knowing what the future will bring.
I think this is kinda why i can't let go of things. How i don't really like change. 'Cause only NOW is certain. The past is gone, and the future is shrouded in mist, unclear. Only the present doesn't change. 'Cause it's now. Duh. And i guess i'm afraid of change. But sometimes it's for the better.
More next time, i hope.
Later.
Tuesday, May 26
To hell with global warming. We'll all burn in hell anyway.
Don't know why i'm so negative these days. Isn't like anyone can tell anyway. And the reason i'm blogging this? 'Cause my blog is dead and no one comes here, so it doesn't matter if i'm being depressing.
That said, i'd rather whoever sees this don't tag me with sympathetic messages. 'Cause i'm not freaking doing this/ writing this for sympathy. That's just dumb, stupid, ridiculous and annoying. And obviously i'm none of the above. Oh no, i've never annoyed anyone/ been mean to anyone/ been really sarcastic to anyone. Especially not now. So you see, that's how i have so many friends. No, i'm definitely not being sarcastic.
What the fuck i honestly don't know what's wrong with me. Some days i wake up and i don't want to go to school. 'Cause it isn't worth going. Some days i just feel so alone. Like (almost) no one cares about me. Like there's (almost) nothing worth living for.
Zz. Maybe i'll get referred to a psychologist after people read this. As in, people who don't know me. To hell with it.
Speaking of hell, i think i'm going there when i die. I mean, not that i really believe there's hell - i've never really believed in an afterlife till you came along - but the concept of hell, as a place where people have to face the consequnces of the bad/ evil things they've done. And i think that despit some people who might think that being a good/"guai" student like me, i could do no wrong, they are SO wrong. There're so many things i wished i didn't do or wished i could've done better.
...okay, now i'm starting to scare myself. That looked like a suicide note/ letter. NOT that i'd have any idea how one would look like. (Of 'cause not, no way.) And i need to stop being depressing.
Cross-country tomorrow. Hope i don't die. (crosses fingers and prays hard) OR maybe it won't make any difference. Except to you.
Later.
That said, i'd rather whoever sees this don't tag me with sympathetic messages. 'Cause i'm not freaking doing this/ writing this for sympathy. That's just dumb, stupid, ridiculous and annoying. And obviously i'm none of the above. Oh no, i've never annoyed anyone/ been mean to anyone/ been really sarcastic to anyone. Especially not now. So you see, that's how i have so many friends. No, i'm definitely not being sarcastic.
What the fuck i honestly don't know what's wrong with me. Some days i wake up and i don't want to go to school. 'Cause it isn't worth going. Some days i just feel so alone. Like (almost) no one cares about me. Like there's (almost) nothing worth living for.
Zz. Maybe i'll get referred to a psychologist after people read this. As in, people who don't know me. To hell with it.
Speaking of hell, i think i'm going there when i die. I mean, not that i really believe there's hell - i've never really believed in an afterlife till you came along - but the concept of hell, as a place where people have to face the consequnces of the bad/ evil things they've done. And i think that despit some people who might think that being a good/"guai" student like me, i could do no wrong, they are SO wrong. There're so many things i wished i didn't do or wished i could've done better.
...okay, now i'm starting to scare myself. That looked like a suicide note/ letter. NOT that i'd have any idea how one would look like. (Of 'cause not, no way.) And i need to stop being depressing.
Cross-country tomorrow. Hope i don't die. (crosses fingers and prays hard) OR maybe it won't make any difference. Except to you.
Later.
Monday, March 16
Who says teenagers don't do anything?
Okay whatever. I know i haven't been posting for a really long time and you can't blame me. Really busy and exhausted. Physically and emotionally. Anyway netball zonals just over. To all netballers: WE DID GREAT. Fought hard and everything. Even those who didn't play (like me). I'm sure the encouragement was helpful? Anyway GOOD JOB everyone. Love you people. Happy holidays btw. (Yeah i know it's late.)
Holidays. Should've known it'd be yet another opportunity for teachers to give us moutains of homework. Seriously, what holiday? I don't care, i want to go out at least twice this march hols. Therefore the chionging of homework on the first day of holidays. Yeah, right now. But i suppose it'll be worth it. So the outings better be good. Or else. Lol. Kidding. But yeah, i really need to TAKE A BREAK.
... Actually been thinking about some really deep and dark stuff. But dun wanna spoil this post's "happy" vibe, even if it's kinda put on. Dun get me wrong, i'm glad of the holidays, i love the fact that i got my phone back. But sometimes things seem pretty empty. Like, meaningless. I'm seriously scaring myself and i think i'm gonna stop now.
Happy holidays people. Dun be an emo kia like me. (And yeah, i'm changing. Emo-ing drains alot of energy.)
Later.
Holidays. Should've known it'd be yet another opportunity for teachers to give us moutains of homework. Seriously, what holiday? I don't care, i want to go out at least twice this march hols. Therefore the chionging of homework on the first day of holidays. Yeah, right now. But i suppose it'll be worth it. So the outings better be good. Or else. Lol. Kidding. But yeah, i really need to TAKE A BREAK.
... Actually been thinking about some really deep and dark stuff. But dun wanna spoil this post's "happy" vibe, even if it's kinda put on. Dun get me wrong, i'm glad of the holidays, i love the fact that i got my phone back. But sometimes things seem pretty empty. Like, meaningless. I'm seriously scaring myself and i think i'm gonna stop now.
Happy holidays people. Dun be an emo kia like me. (And yeah, i'm changing. Emo-ing drains alot of energy.)
Later.
Sunday, February 15
XO
Happy (damn belated) Valentine's Day! As you can see my blog is dead, but i'm not and neither is my love for all of you. Haha lol. Love ya all 2a + RVNB + whoever loves me back. =)
Later. (Okay, alot later.)
P/S: Incidentally that (points at title) is a song by FOB. And i didn't go for the concert. Yes, i'm still sore about that fact. Especially when others are going on and on about it.
Later. (Okay, alot later.)
P/S: Incidentally that (points at title) is a song by FOB. And i didn't go for the concert. Yes, i'm still sore about that fact. Especially when others are going on and on about it.
Saturday, November 29
Holiday VII
... Okay. Really dun feel like talking about my holiday liao. I'm boring myself. LOL. So just briefly... Today went to yang ming shan. IT WAS FREAKIN' COLD!!! I was freezing my butt off there. The view was pretty good. And a cool restaurant with quite good food. The restaurant doesn't have a menu. The food served is like, decided on the spur of the moment by the chef or something. Pretty cool. =)
LOL. That's all about today. And I STILL HAVEN'T GOT SOUVENIRS FOR THE GUYS! Whatthehell... Gonna go shopping tomorrow. Anyway. Gonna start a new post.
Later.
LOL. That's all about today. And I STILL HAVEN'T GOT SOUVENIRS FOR THE GUYS! Whatthehell... Gonna go shopping tomorrow. Anyway. Gonna start a new post.
Later.
Friday, November 28
Holiday VI
To those who think my holiday updates are interesting... You guys are lucky i changed my mind. You should thank the person who changed my mind. I was gonna stop posting 'cause i felt too sian. Oh well. But now i feel obliged to continue. I think i'll just post when i feel like, though. Not everyday. Today... Was boring. And disappointing. Went all the way from taipei to hsinchu before lunch. For a strawberry farm which was totally run-down and crappy. So went all the way back for dinner. Like, whatthehell?! LOL. You know i hate disappointments. But, well. That's life, i guess. Though the spam smses (though i'd save all of 'em if i could) brightened my day. =) Loved it. Thanks! (you-know-who)
Anyway not much stuff to blog about except that i'll upload the pics really soon... Okay, maybe with the class chalet ones i hope to take? Haha.
Later.
Anyway not much stuff to blog about except that i'll upload the pics really soon... Okay, maybe with the class chalet ones i hope to take? Haha.
Later.
Thursday, November 27
Holiday V
DAY 5
Okay. I'm seriously getting lazier. I think i'm just gonna post the highlights of the day. Like today, didn't do anything much. Just shopped. And i'm glad to say that i got souvenirs for all the 2A girls already. =) So i'm just left with the guys' stuff. Which is gonna be so much harder. Haiz. Any ideas, guys? LOL.
... Anyway i'm so outta things to talk about. Other than some...thoughts. I'm so SO freakin' depressed. Haiz. I miss smsing you so much. Damn. I feel so dumb. A couple of days and i can't stand it. So SO dumb. I felt so tempted to sms you today. Haiz. =(
Later.
Okay. I'm seriously getting lazier. I think i'm just gonna post the highlights of the day. Like today, didn't do anything much. Just shopped. And i'm glad to say that i got souvenirs for all the 2A girls already. =) So i'm just left with the guys' stuff. Which is gonna be so much harder. Haiz. Any ideas, guys? LOL.
... Anyway i'm so outta things to talk about. Other than some...thoughts. I'm so SO freakin' depressed. Haiz. I miss smsing you so much. Damn. I feel so dumb. A couple of days and i can't stand it. So SO dumb. I felt so tempted to sms you today. Haiz. =(
Later.
Wednesday, November 26
Holiday IV
DAY 4
I'm getting lazier... And i've been feeling guilty lately. For eating too much. LOL. Gotta cut down. But kinda hard in taiwan. Anyway, woke up quite early in the morning (still can't kick the habit of waking up early), went for breakfast. Slacked in the hotel room for awhile, watched TV.
Went out later for spa. =) Took a few pics and will post them when i get back. LOL. It was a rather...interesting experience. Got lunch, slacked again. Went to danshui by train. It's kinda a park with wildlife and recreation. Like arcades, street vendors, whatever. Sat on a bench and stared at mudskippers and waterbirds for like, an hour, waiting for the sun to set. I'm not a nature kinda person, but it's quite fascinating. The sun finally set and i finally got some pics. Walked around the street stalls for awhile after that. Realised yet another career path was closed - i suck at shooting with a gun. LOL.
Walked around some more, and took a couple more pics. Will post pics. Got dinner, went for some retail therapy. Bought the top i was looking for (to go with my shoes/ boots). I was omg so happy. I guess retail therapy does help cheer me up. If only temporarily. Haiz. This sucks. Wished i could freakin' sms. Argh. Damn. Am so SO pissed. Or depressed. Whatever. Haiz. Still got like, 5 more days. =( Hell... Forget it. Not in the mood to blog liao. Stupid.
Later.
missyoumissyouloveyouloveyou
I'm getting lazier... And i've been feeling guilty lately. For eating too much. LOL. Gotta cut down. But kinda hard in taiwan. Anyway, woke up quite early in the morning (still can't kick the habit of waking up early), went for breakfast. Slacked in the hotel room for awhile, watched TV.
Went out later for spa. =) Took a few pics and will post them when i get back. LOL. It was a rather...interesting experience. Got lunch, slacked again. Went to danshui by train. It's kinda a park with wildlife and recreation. Like arcades, street vendors, whatever. Sat on a bench and stared at mudskippers and waterbirds for like, an hour, waiting for the sun to set. I'm not a nature kinda person, but it's quite fascinating. The sun finally set and i finally got some pics. Walked around the street stalls for awhile after that. Realised yet another career path was closed - i suck at shooting with a gun. LOL.
Walked around some more, and took a couple more pics. Will post pics. Got dinner, went for some retail therapy. Bought the top i was looking for (to go with my shoes/ boots). I was omg so happy. I guess retail therapy does help cheer me up. If only temporarily. Haiz. This sucks. Wished i could freakin' sms. Argh. Damn. Am so SO pissed. Or depressed. Whatever. Haiz. Still got like, 5 more days. =( Hell... Forget it. Not in the mood to blog liao. Stupid.
Later.
missyoumissyouloveyouloveyou
Tuesday, November 25
Holiday III
Hey. Here again to crap about my day. =)
DAY 3
Morning was pretty uneventful. Woke up, had breakfast and all that. Then went out to taipei mrt station. (Yeah. There're mrt stations.) Guess what? There're like stalls/ shops along the underground passages. Wanted to buy a pair of shoes (boots?) that caught my eye, but there wasn't my size. Stupid. =( Why are my feet so huge? Anyway, wandered around some more but didn't buy anything else. Okay, so i bought a keychain thing, but it doesn't count luhhs. It was cheap. Spied an arcade and decided to spend some money without buying anything. Went in and PLAYED. LOL. Realised that i totally SUCK at drums. So it's kinda a good thing that i didn't try it in singapore (with all those people watching). The arcade was really empty.
Went for lunch after that. Wandered around abit more and made my way back to the hotel slowly. Slept for awhile. (Erratic sleeping habits, remember?) Got up, watched TV in the hotel. (I know. No-lifer.) Went out, took the mrt to jiantan. There was something wrong with my token. LOL. Talk about unlucky. The first time i take public transport in taipei and something has to go wrong. Anyway, got to shilin night market (dunno what it's called luhhs) and really shopped.
Saw a stall selling REALLY HUGE sausages. And there was alot of food. ALOT. Someone would have liked it. Realised that i really can't stand the smell of stinky toufu. Well, 'cause it stinks. No offence, but i felt like puking when i smelt it. It smells like the garbage dump or something. Yuck. Anyway, not the point. There were plenty of shops. Selling clothes/ shoes/ accessories. Yay.
And OHMIGOSH I'M SO HAPPY. Finally got the shoes (boots?) i've been eyeing. Oh yeah. Finally. But it was pretty expensive. 750 in taipei currency. Which is like, 30+ singapore dollars. But who cares. Definitely worth it. Sister got similar shoes (boots) too. Shopped around awhile more, but didn't get anything else. Aim: get a top before end of the trip. Went back to the hotel.
Oh, one more thing. Traffic in taipei is TREACHEROUS. (Treacherous traffic in taipei.) Sometimes i wonder how i manage to cross the roads without anything happening to me. (Or the cars. Ha.) LOL. Anyway running outta stuff to say. Tag me soon. Please. You know who you are.
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
Later.
DAY 3
Morning was pretty uneventful. Woke up, had breakfast and all that. Then went out to taipei mrt station. (Yeah. There're mrt stations.) Guess what? There're like stalls/ shops along the underground passages. Wanted to buy a pair of shoes (boots?) that caught my eye, but there wasn't my size. Stupid. =( Why are my feet so huge? Anyway, wandered around some more but didn't buy anything else. Okay, so i bought a keychain thing, but it doesn't count luhhs. It was cheap. Spied an arcade and decided to spend some money without buying anything. Went in and PLAYED. LOL. Realised that i totally SUCK at drums. So it's kinda a good thing that i didn't try it in singapore (with all those people watching). The arcade was really empty.
Went for lunch after that. Wandered around abit more and made my way back to the hotel slowly. Slept for awhile. (Erratic sleeping habits, remember?) Got up, watched TV in the hotel. (I know. No-lifer.) Went out, took the mrt to jiantan. There was something wrong with my token. LOL. Talk about unlucky. The first time i take public transport in taipei and something has to go wrong. Anyway, got to shilin night market (dunno what it's called luhhs) and really shopped.
Saw a stall selling REALLY HUGE sausages. And there was alot of food. ALOT. Someone would have liked it. Realised that i really can't stand the smell of stinky toufu. Well, 'cause it stinks. No offence, but i felt like puking when i smelt it. It smells like the garbage dump or something. Yuck. Anyway, not the point. There were plenty of shops. Selling clothes/ shoes/ accessories. Yay.
And OHMIGOSH I'M SO HAPPY. Finally got the shoes (boots?) i've been eyeing. Oh yeah. Finally. But it was pretty expensive. 750 in taipei currency. Which is like, 30+ singapore dollars. But who cares. Definitely worth it. Sister got similar shoes (boots) too. Shopped around awhile more, but didn't get anything else. Aim: get a top before end of the trip. Went back to the hotel.
Oh, one more thing. Traffic in taipei is TREACHEROUS. (Treacherous traffic in taipei.) Sometimes i wonder how i manage to cross the roads without anything happening to me. (Or the cars. Ha.) LOL. Anyway running outta stuff to say. Tag me soon. Please. You know who you are.
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
Later.
Monday, November 24
Holiday II
I'm back! =) Okay, so admittedly it's only a day. But one day's REALLY long for me when i can't sms. It's like, everytime i see something interesting i wanna share i unconsciously start reaching for my phone. Damn the overseas sms cost. Grr. Anyway, here's more about today...
DAY 2
Woke up early. Why the hell do i wake up early, even during the holidays/ when i'm overseas? That is one of those weird quirks of mine. Like, if i sleep fairly early (like 10 or 11) then i can't sleep till later than 9 or something. Anyway. Totally digressing. Went for breakfast at the hotel restaurant. Then went out to hang out. Like, walked around, wandered into a couple of shops but nothing much - didn't buy anything.
Got back to hotel after a couple of hours of AIMLESS wandering. Slept for awhile. My sleeping pattern's getting really erratic. After this trip (and the chalet after that), i'm not sure if i'll be able to sleep at night anymore. Haha, maybe that isn't a bad thing. LOL. I'm totally crapping. Today dun really feel like blogging.
Went to Taipei 101 after that. It was COLD at the 91st floor. (There're 101 floors btw. Duh. But the lift only works up till 89. Then have to climb stairs.) There wasn't much to see, mainly 'cause of this fog/ mist/ pollution. Whatever. Could see the "bright lights of the city" when darkness fell. It got dark freakin' early. Like, 6 plus. Whatthehell?! Will post the pics when i get home. Ha. Kinda blurred, 'cause my photography skills suck anyway. After that, went for dinner and got back to hotel. Tomorrow's gonna be alot of lazing around, and i'm determined to buy stuff. For you people. Aww. So dun complain.
That's all for today. Just wanna say i'm seriously...i really want to get home... =( So missing you. Reply...
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
Later.
DAY 2
Woke up early. Why the hell do i wake up early, even during the holidays/ when i'm overseas? That is one of those weird quirks of mine. Like, if i sleep fairly early (like 10 or 11) then i can't sleep till later than 9 or something. Anyway. Totally digressing. Went for breakfast at the hotel restaurant. Then went out to hang out. Like, walked around, wandered into a couple of shops but nothing much - didn't buy anything.
Got back to hotel after a couple of hours of AIMLESS wandering. Slept for awhile. My sleeping pattern's getting really erratic. After this trip (and the chalet after that), i'm not sure if i'll be able to sleep at night anymore. Haha, maybe that isn't a bad thing. LOL. I'm totally crapping. Today dun really feel like blogging.
Went to Taipei 101 after that. It was COLD at the 91st floor. (There're 101 floors btw. Duh. But the lift only works up till 89. Then have to climb stairs.) There wasn't much to see, mainly 'cause of this fog/ mist/ pollution. Whatever. Could see the "bright lights of the city" when darkness fell. It got dark freakin' early. Like, 6 plus. Whatthehell?! Will post the pics when i get home. Ha. Kinda blurred, 'cause my photography skills suck anyway. After that, went for dinner and got back to hotel. Tomorrow's gonna be alot of lazing around, and i'm determined to buy stuff. For you people. Aww. So dun complain.
That's all for today. Just wanna say i'm seriously...i really want to get home... =( So missing you. Reply...
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
Later.
Sunday, November 23
Holiday I
Okay. Since i dun wanna be totally outta touch with the rest of the world - the rest of my world, i'm gonna blog daily about my trip. So you guys can hear about what i'm doing and go green with envy. But mostly so that i can crap and won't feel so bored. Yeah, i know. You guys must think i'm crazy. I mean, bored on a holiday? Like totally whatthehell. But that's me. And frankly i'd rather stay back home 'cause of...you. Anyway, i'll just get straight to the recount and save the crap (for the next post).
_________________________________________________________
DAY 1
Woke up waayy early. Okay, early for a day in school hols. But still, it was around 5. Did some last minute packing, rushed around looking for stuff, the usual. Managed to be on time for the cab to the airport though. Got to airport too early so we (in case anyone's wondering who i was with, i was with my family. Duh.) hung around the duty-free shops. LOL. Window shopping. I know, but we were bored. Sent my last sms before boarding. No prizes for guessing. Duh.
Boarded plane but cut it kinda close. Gate was closing, so had to rush a little. LOL. Irony. Get there too early, but end up late for boarding. Anyway, flight was really short. 4 hours, so nothing much to do. Listened to some music, played some multi-player games with my sis and we reached. Customs at Taipei took a looong time. Stupid queue. LOL. But in the end managed to get through all of that and got a cab to the hotel. The hotel's pretty okay. The best (damn) thing? The hotel has FREE internet connection in the room. (Hence the tagging. And the blogging. And the surfing of internet.) The catch is that need to get password from hotel reception everyday. Oh well. Small price to pay. Figuratively.
After all that slacking, (and very little breakfast/ lunch/ brunch), we finally went out for dinner. BUFFET dinner. LOL. Shall not bore y'all with the details of the buffet. Gluttony... Will post the pics when i get home, since i obviously (stupidly) forgot to bring my USB thumbdrive, so i can't transfer pics from my phone. Sadly. LOL.
And after THAT, went to a bookstore. 24-hr bookstore. Saw several books that i felt tempted to buy, but decided to save my cash for other stuff. In the end, only bought a piano score book. To those who are shocked (or have been shocked), yes, i play the piano. Then went back to hotel and bathed. Therefore am now slacking and blogging. Duh.
_________________________________________________________
That ends my day. Will be going to sleep...sometime. LOL. Blog more soon. And you're all welcome to sms me. Just that i won't reply. I'll probably reply on your blog/ my blog/ email/ something/ whatever. Anyway, an sms will be greatly appreciated. =) You know. Even though i dun want you to exceed. Sorry. I'm insecure that way.
Later.
_________________________________________________________
DAY 1
Woke up waayy early. Okay, early for a day in school hols. But still, it was around 5. Did some last minute packing, rushed around looking for stuff, the usual. Managed to be on time for the cab to the airport though. Got to airport too early so we (in case anyone's wondering who i was with, i was with my family. Duh.) hung around the duty-free shops. LOL. Window shopping. I know, but we were bored. Sent my last sms before boarding. No prizes for guessing. Duh.
Boarded plane but cut it kinda close. Gate was closing, so had to rush a little. LOL. Irony. Get there too early, but end up late for boarding. Anyway, flight was really short. 4 hours, so nothing much to do. Listened to some music, played some multi-player games with my sis and we reached. Customs at Taipei took a looong time. Stupid queue. LOL. But in the end managed to get through all of that and got a cab to the hotel. The hotel's pretty okay. The best (damn) thing? The hotel has FREE internet connection in the room. (Hence the tagging. And the blogging. And the surfing of internet.) The catch is that need to get password from hotel reception everyday. Oh well. Small price to pay. Figuratively.
After all that slacking, (and very little breakfast/ lunch/ brunch), we finally went out for dinner. BUFFET dinner. LOL. Shall not bore y'all with the details of the buffet. Gluttony... Will post the pics when i get home, since i obviously (stupidly) forgot to bring my USB thumbdrive, so i can't transfer pics from my phone. Sadly. LOL.
And after THAT, went to a bookstore. 24-hr bookstore. Saw several books that i felt tempted to buy, but decided to save my cash for other stuff. In the end, only bought a piano score book. To those who are shocked (or have been shocked), yes, i play the piano. Then went back to hotel and bathed. Therefore am now slacking and blogging. Duh.
_________________________________________________________
That ends my day. Will be going to sleep...sometime. LOL. Blog more soon. And you're all welcome to sms me. Just that i won't reply. I'll probably reply on your blog/ my blog/ email/ something/ whatever. Anyway, an sms will be greatly appreciated. =) You know. Even though i dun want you to exceed. Sorry. I'm insecure that way.
Later.
Wednesday, November 19
Reviews and apologies
Been re-watching HSM 1 and 2 lately. And just went to watch HSM 3 recently. Conclusion? The show's becoming increasingly..."commercialised. (Quoted.) HSM 3 was...pretty bad. There was practically NO plot. Thanks to the songs, it wasn't THAT bad. But even some of the songs were pretty dull. How many times can people listen to similar melodies being recycled for different songs without getting bored? The lyrics were okay, though. My favourite songs? "Right Here, Right Now", "Can I Have This Dance", "The Boys Are Back" and "Scream". The rest were nice, but - like the word nice - pretty bland. Doesn't stick in my memory. Sorry if i was overly critical or whatever. But when there's anticipation, there's bound to be disappointment. I know i'm such a hypocrite. Saying so much good stuff about HSM and then now this. But i guess that's just how it is.
... Walao. I saw the Twilight movie trailer and i'm totally DISILLUSIONED. Edward Cullen in the movie isn't what i'd imagined. I'm crushed, devastated. How could they do this? Bella isn't that bad - pretty chio, actually. But apparently someone thinks otherwise. Okay, so maybe i'm not a guy so i'm not a very good judge. And maybe i was a LITTLE biased about EDward. But still, WHATTHEHELL. We (Twilight/ Edward fans) deserve better. And for the record, i'm not crazy over Edward. (Duh.) I just like the story. LOL. I just like romance. And when i'm not thinking about romance (mine or otherwise), i like fantasy. And i've always liked mythical creatures and legends. Okay, maybe that's under fantasy. Anyway, that's why i like the Twilight Saga. And now the movie (okay, just the trailer) might destroy my idealistic fantasy. But i'll still be watching. Even if it's just so that i can complain about how bad the movie was. Quoting again, the movie's totally "commercialised".
Some news: I MADE THE TEAM! I shouldn't say that too much 'cause i'd sound egoistic, but YAY. That means i have to train harder though. But whatever it takes. And it'll cut into more of my...social life, too. Like my class chalet. Really sorry. =( Forgive me? Sorry...
Anyway. Social life aside, i'm still thrilled about netball. Seems like i really love it, and not just for the CCA points. I'm not THAT shallow.
But... Seriously, sorry. I know it means alot to you, but i can't pon. I'm just not...that kind of person. I'm sorry. Hope you can see it my way and dun stay too mad at me. It's just in the evenings. I'll still be there in the mornings + afternoons + nights. Which is very important. Sorry.
And i'm gonna be outta town for awhile, so no posts for some time. Then class chalet, so i'll be busy. Will try to post when i gey back. Class chalet is gonna be...fun. (Understatement.)
Later.
... Walao. I saw the Twilight movie trailer and i'm totally DISILLUSIONED. Edward Cullen in the movie isn't what i'd imagined. I'm crushed, devastated. How could they do this? Bella isn't that bad - pretty chio, actually. But apparently someone thinks otherwise. Okay, so maybe i'm not a guy so i'm not a very good judge. And maybe i was a LITTLE biased about EDward. But still, WHATTHEHELL. We (Twilight/ Edward fans) deserve better. And for the record, i'm not crazy over Edward. (Duh.) I just like the story. LOL. I just like romance. And when i'm not thinking about romance (mine or otherwise), i like fantasy. And i've always liked mythical creatures and legends. Okay, maybe that's under fantasy. Anyway, that's why i like the Twilight Saga. And now the movie (okay, just the trailer) might destroy my idealistic fantasy. But i'll still be watching. Even if it's just so that i can complain about how bad the movie was. Quoting again, the movie's totally "commercialised".
Some news: I MADE THE TEAM! I shouldn't say that too much 'cause i'd sound egoistic, but YAY. That means i have to train harder though. But whatever it takes. And it'll cut into more of my...social life, too. Like my class chalet. Really sorry. =( Forgive me? Sorry...
Anyway. Social life aside, i'm still thrilled about netball. Seems like i really love it, and not just for the CCA points. I'm not THAT shallow.
But... Seriously, sorry. I know it means alot to you, but i can't pon. I'm just not...that kind of person. I'm sorry. Hope you can see it my way and dun stay too mad at me. It's just in the evenings. I'll still be there in the mornings + afternoons + nights. Which is very important. Sorry.
And i'm gonna be outta town for awhile, so no posts for some time. Then class chalet, so i'll be busy. Will try to post when i gey back. Class chalet is gonna be...fun. (Understatement.)
Later.
Thursday, November 13
The end.
Okay, technically it isn't REALLY the end, as someone tells me. But it sure feels that way. It's hard not to get attached to a class you've been in for 2 years, yeah? Haiz. I never was any good at saying goodbye. So i'm not gonna. Maybe i'm just fooling myself but living in denial's a pretty good way of keeping from depression. So maybe we can still meet up for chalets and outings next year during the school hols. I guess it wouldn't be that bad if there was something to look forward to?
Damn. Who am i kidding? Damn damn damn &*$%#. What the hell... I dun wanna say goodbye. "If we were a movie"... But that's not possible, so i guess we just have to make the most of the time we have left. Yeah. Hoping i can go for the class outings and stuff.
Not really in the mood to blog. Will post more (soon). Keep me away from sharp objects.
Later.
Damn. Who am i kidding? Damn damn damn &*$%#. What the hell... I dun wanna say goodbye. "If we were a movie"... But that's not possible, so i guess we just have to make the most of the time we have left. Yeah. Hoping i can go for the class outings and stuff.
Not really in the mood to blog. Will post more (soon). Keep me away from sharp objects.
Later.
Sunday, October 26
Withdrawal syndromes of a you-addict: almost-depression, thinking too much.
LOL. Really long time since i last posted. Since exams are over will try to post more. (But somehow i dun think that's possible. Middle name = procrastination.)
Haiz. Post-exams days feel so...empty. Like no aim, y'know? I dunno, maybe it's 'cause i'm a really goal-oriented person, but when there's nothing to work for i just kinda...drift. And think. Alot. (Dun worry, i'll stop when it starts to hurt my head. Which seems to be very quickly.)
Been thinking about...stuff. Like end of the year. End of 2A. Okay, technically it isn't the end, 'cause we're all still gonna see each other in school from time to time and blah blah. But it won't feel the same anymore. Sure, most of us might end up in the same class. But it won't be the same. So i guess i just wanna make the most of the time left. However much is left.
I really hate saying good-byes. I mean, if i try, if i really try, i think i can just about make it through the farewells with a brave front and false cheer. It's about time i thought of someone else other than myself, anyway. Not to bring up old (and possibly painful) memories, but the way i behaved on that Saturday... Let's just say although it wasn't technically saying goodbye, i didn't make things any easier for anyone.
Sometimes i dunno what to do. Like whether letting my true emotions show is better or will i help those i love by pretending to be happy? Maybe they won't like to be kept in the dark, but i just can't bear to hurt them. 'Cause it hurts me to see them hurt. I guess i'm just selfish that way. Dun know why people continue hanging out with me.
Anyway. Although strictly speaking, this isn't supposed to be an emo post, it isn't exactly gonna be a happy one. I guess you've gathered as much from the stuff i've been rambling on about. Let's just say i've had a lot of time to think.
Since i'm talking about sad, serious stuff, let's go for something really serious. Academically, i mean. Yeah. Subject combinations. Y'know, ever since the subject combi thing became something to really talk about, i've been kinda dreading it. And then came this...whole thing, and now i'm even more reluctant to think about it. 'Cause thinking about it would mean making a decision about it, and making a decision somehow just makes the end seem to draw closer. I know, i know, it's a psychological thing. A fear of unknown, i guess. I just dun like uncertainties in my life. Which is probably why i cling on so hard to my certainty. (Singular, see?) Even though it really makes me seem needy and clingy and desperate at times.
Anyway back to the subject of subject combi. I've never really thought of what i want to be. When i was younger (that makes me sound old), i've had ideas of being a vet, zookeeper, biologist, whatever. I used to be really in love with animals. I suppose you could call that my first love? LOL. Kidding. The point is, once i've stopped being so naive and became more cynical... I just kinda lost my focus in life. Like, when i was younger, i wanted to do well in science 'cause my parnts told me i had to if i wanted to be a vet. And i just did what my parents wanted me to, since well, i was kinda 'guai'. Now, i dun know what i want in life. Okay, maybe not so general. More like i dunno what i want from my studies, my career, whatever. I want to do well in school, but that's about as far as i get. Do well in what areas? I'm starting to question a lot of stuff. I used to love sciences, now i'm more into literature. It doesn't change the fact that i'm better at sciences, since my foundation is stronger. I'm just...confused, i guess.
Whatever. I think... I want to put on a different mask for this 2 weeks before the end of school; the start of holidays. I'm gonna try being loud and noisy and cheerful and all the things you (people) love me for. I'm not gonna spend the rest of my sec 2 school days making others emo 'cause of my emo-ness. I'll be a good girl from now on. By good girl, i mean: caring friend, responsible team member, committed player, good daughter, and a good best friend. I mean what i say, so try and make things easier for me? I want to make a "clean break", 'cause i know this can't carry on. We both know. I guess we should stop pretending otherwise. Maybe in a few years' time.
Before you...my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy...When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.
Later.
P/S: Just a quote. Doesn't mean i'm gonna do anything, but... Dun read too much into it. Some people like quoting from songs, i like quoting from books.
Haiz. Post-exams days feel so...empty. Like no aim, y'know? I dunno, maybe it's 'cause i'm a really goal-oriented person, but when there's nothing to work for i just kinda...drift. And think. Alot. (Dun worry, i'll stop when it starts to hurt my head. Which seems to be very quickly.)
Been thinking about...stuff. Like end of the year. End of 2A. Okay, technically it isn't the end, 'cause we're all still gonna see each other in school from time to time and blah blah. But it won't feel the same anymore. Sure, most of us might end up in the same class. But it won't be the same. So i guess i just wanna make the most of the time left. However much is left.
I really hate saying good-byes. I mean, if i try, if i really try, i think i can just about make it through the farewells with a brave front and false cheer. It's about time i thought of someone else other than myself, anyway. Not to bring up old (and possibly painful) memories, but the way i behaved on that Saturday... Let's just say although it wasn't technically saying goodbye, i didn't make things any easier for anyone.
Sometimes i dunno what to do. Like whether letting my true emotions show is better or will i help those i love by pretending to be happy? Maybe they won't like to be kept in the dark, but i just can't bear to hurt them. 'Cause it hurts me to see them hurt. I guess i'm just selfish that way. Dun know why people continue hanging out with me.
Anyway. Although strictly speaking, this isn't supposed to be an emo post, it isn't exactly gonna be a happy one. I guess you've gathered as much from the stuff i've been rambling on about. Let's just say i've had a lot of time to think.
Since i'm talking about sad, serious stuff, let's go for something really serious. Academically, i mean. Yeah. Subject combinations. Y'know, ever since the subject combi thing became something to really talk about, i've been kinda dreading it. And then came this...whole thing, and now i'm even more reluctant to think about it. 'Cause thinking about it would mean making a decision about it, and making a decision somehow just makes the end seem to draw closer. I know, i know, it's a psychological thing. A fear of unknown, i guess. I just dun like uncertainties in my life. Which is probably why i cling on so hard to my certainty. (Singular, see?) Even though it really makes me seem needy and clingy and desperate at times.
Anyway back to the subject of subject combi. I've never really thought of what i want to be. When i was younger (that makes me sound old), i've had ideas of being a vet, zookeeper, biologist, whatever. I used to be really in love with animals. I suppose you could call that my first love? LOL. Kidding. The point is, once i've stopped being so naive and became more cynical... I just kinda lost my focus in life. Like, when i was younger, i wanted to do well in science 'cause my parnts told me i had to if i wanted to be a vet. And i just did what my parents wanted me to, since well, i was kinda 'guai'. Now, i dun know what i want in life. Okay, maybe not so general. More like i dunno what i want from my studies, my career, whatever. I want to do well in school, but that's about as far as i get. Do well in what areas? I'm starting to question a lot of stuff. I used to love sciences, now i'm more into literature. It doesn't change the fact that i'm better at sciences, since my foundation is stronger. I'm just...confused, i guess.
Whatever. I think... I want to put on a different mask for this 2 weeks before the end of school; the start of holidays. I'm gonna try being loud and noisy and cheerful and all the things you (people) love me for. I'm not gonna spend the rest of my sec 2 school days making others emo 'cause of my emo-ness. I'll be a good girl from now on. By good girl, i mean: caring friend, responsible team member, committed player, good daughter, and a good best friend. I mean what i say, so try and make things easier for me? I want to make a "clean break", 'cause i know this can't carry on. We both know. I guess we should stop pretending otherwise. Maybe in a few years' time.
Before you...my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy...When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.
Later.
P/S: Just a quote. Doesn't mean i'm gonna do anything, but... Dun read too much into it. Some people like quoting from songs, i like quoting from books.
Monday, September 29
Emo emu. LOL.
Yay. Finally updating again. LOL. Dunno what's with my mood swings lately. Something to do with the dizziness and headaches and almost-fainting spells. Or maybe i've always been like this. LOL. Just took me long to realise.
Dunno what's wrong with me lately. As in, yeah, i know i'm gonna fall sick soon. Hopefully either this week or not at all. 'Cause EOYs then class gathering then slacking and stuff. So...yeah. And my memory's getting worse. I dun wanna forget. I mean, there're stuff i wish never happened and wished i could erase them. But if it means taking away all the great memories of us... I'd rather live with the bad ones.
That was kinda random. But felt kinda good. Maybe now i'll stop causing my art knife/ pen knife to rust. LOL. (Okay, maybe not so LOL.)
Anyway... Kinda sucky speech today. Was all i could do not to black out. Couldn't concentrate on what i was saying. Kinda like after PE. My heart was like suddenly thumping damn fast, for god knows what reason. Wasn't even because of the exercise. And my chest felt really tight, like someone was squeezing my ribcage. Could hardly breathe. My vision sorta blurred around the edges. Felt really dizzy. And the whole thing was damn freaky. As in, it's not the first time ever, but the first in like, half a year. Freaky day.
Really scared that something's gonna happen to me, actually. Not being melodramatic here. (Wish i were though.) It's a premonition thing. Like, something really bad's gonna happen. (No, not EOYs. Though it IS a pretty bad thing. LOL.) To quote: "If it happens, i'll be right but screwed. If it doesn't, i'll be wrong but happy". Or something like that. =)
Thought of posting some more lines and stuffs i thought up, but decided against it. Too morbid, and i dun wanna spoil this post's "not-emo" vibe. LOL. Maybe next time, when i'm more emo. Just managed to bring things under control. Dun wanna set off another tear-fest. LOL.
Later.
Dunno what's wrong with me lately. As in, yeah, i know i'm gonna fall sick soon. Hopefully either this week or not at all. 'Cause EOYs then class gathering then slacking and stuff. So...yeah. And my memory's getting worse. I dun wanna forget. I mean, there're stuff i wish never happened and wished i could erase them. But if it means taking away all the great memories of us... I'd rather live with the bad ones.
That was kinda random. But felt kinda good. Maybe now i'll stop causing my art knife/ pen knife to rust. LOL. (Okay, maybe not so LOL.)
Anyway... Kinda sucky speech today. Was all i could do not to black out. Couldn't concentrate on what i was saying. Kinda like after PE. My heart was like suddenly thumping damn fast, for god knows what reason. Wasn't even because of the exercise. And my chest felt really tight, like someone was squeezing my ribcage. Could hardly breathe. My vision sorta blurred around the edges. Felt really dizzy. And the whole thing was damn freaky. As in, it's not the first time ever, but the first in like, half a year. Freaky day.
Really scared that something's gonna happen to me, actually. Not being melodramatic here. (Wish i were though.) It's a premonition thing. Like, something really bad's gonna happen. (No, not EOYs. Though it IS a pretty bad thing. LOL.) To quote: "If it happens, i'll be right but screwed. If it doesn't, i'll be wrong but happy". Or something like that. =)
Thought of posting some more lines and stuffs i thought up, but decided against it. Too morbid, and i dun wanna spoil this post's "not-emo" vibe. LOL. Maybe next time, when i'm more emo. Just managed to bring things under control. Dun wanna set off another tear-fest. LOL.
Later.
Sunday, September 21
Anorexia?!
LOL. Short entry:
Didn't know speech and drama was that...interesting. And fun. =) LOL. And slack. Ha. (winks)
Nothing much to blog. Not supposed to be blogging actually. Doing it furtively while pretending to be researching for my LA speech. I'm doing anorexia. Yeah, i know, change of topic. And doesn't even relate to me. Except maybe i'm the exact opposite of an anorexic person. Quoted from someone. LOL. Think my speech's gonna suck. But if my sucky speech can get you a higher grade, i guess i'll live with it. 'Cause that's the least i could do to...repay you. Or something. I won't suck on purpose. I dun have to, anyway.
Starting to sound like an emo post... It's scary how easily i can get emo, but i'm not gonna let that happen. At least not today. Or tomorrow. "One dose should keep me going for a couple of days". LOL. Never mind if you dun get it. As long as someone does.
Still have to work on my evil laugh... [insert (un-)evil laugh here] LOL. Must believe that i can do it. =) "How can i fail with you rooting for me?" (Another famous quote from you.)
Gotta go before i get busted. LOL. Guess it's time to start working on my speech.
Later.
Didn't know speech and drama was that...interesting. And fun. =) LOL. And slack. Ha. (winks)
Nothing much to blog. Not supposed to be blogging actually. Doing it furtively while pretending to be researching for my LA speech. I'm doing anorexia. Yeah, i know, change of topic. And doesn't even relate to me. Except maybe i'm the exact opposite of an anorexic person. Quoted from someone. LOL. Think my speech's gonna suck. But if my sucky speech can get you a higher grade, i guess i'll live with it. 'Cause that's the least i could do to...repay you. Or something. I won't suck on purpose. I dun have to, anyway.
Starting to sound like an emo post... It's scary how easily i can get emo, but i'm not gonna let that happen. At least not today. Or tomorrow. "One dose should keep me going for a couple of days". LOL. Never mind if you dun get it. As long as someone does.
Still have to work on my evil laugh... [insert (un-)evil laugh here] LOL. Must believe that i can do it. =) "How can i fail with you rooting for me?" (Another famous quote from you.)
Gotta go before i get busted. LOL. Guess it's time to start working on my speech.
Later.
Monday, September 1
Emotional rollercoaster
Wow. Now i totally believe it when they say something will happen if you think hard enough about it. And telepathy. And scary (but well-timed) coincidences. Sometimes i just love the way stuff (sorta) works out. Anyway haven't had a proper post lately cos 1) too busy and 2) too emo. Now that i've actually found the time to blog (actually, blogging under the pretense of doing e-learning), i realise there isn't much to blog about. LOL. Maybe gonna be a little random.
Coaching CIP at henry park primary today. THE KIDS ARE SO CUTE! But kinda rude. Oh well who cares. I guess kids these days grow up faster, blah blah blah. Wish i could go again tomorrow, but apparently we can only go for one day 'cause our B div team has too many people. LOL. Never mind. I'll get my exercise tomorrow. Badminton. Yay. But somehow dun feel as enthusiastic. Doesn't mean i dun wanna play though. But still.
Holiday homework. Finished LA essay and draft for chinese compo. Muahaha. But ran out of gao2 zhi3 so can't write out. Need to buy. =( Anyway not going to school till friday, so not gonna hand in till friday. Ha. (And you thought i was guai?) Attempting to print out scanned pages of math workbook, since i didn't bring it home. Again. Kinda pissed with myself liao. LOL.
More serious stuff: subject combination. I guess i'm gonna take triple science after all. My parents knew of my...obsession with E lit. so they suggested triple science eith E lit. as the humans. Great. It's not so much of the subject itself, more of who's taking what. Considering Bi-cultural. Parents think it's a waste of time, but (as usual) i dun agree. Call me biased but that's the way i am. Will take Bi-cultural if there's motivation. (Hint, hint.) Just dun throw it away for me.
Hopefully can finish holiday homework by thursday. Then can slack for awhile. Before my mom starts nagging at me to study for EOYs.
Later.
Coaching CIP at henry park primary today. THE KIDS ARE SO CUTE! But kinda rude. Oh well who cares. I guess kids these days grow up faster, blah blah blah. Wish i could go again tomorrow, but apparently we can only go for one day 'cause our B div team has too many people. LOL. Never mind. I'll get my exercise tomorrow. Badminton. Yay. But somehow dun feel as enthusiastic. Doesn't mean i dun wanna play though. But still.
Holiday homework. Finished LA essay and draft for chinese compo. Muahaha. But ran out of gao2 zhi3 so can't write out. Need to buy. =( Anyway not going to school till friday, so not gonna hand in till friday. Ha. (And you thought i was guai?) Attempting to print out scanned pages of math workbook, since i didn't bring it home. Again. Kinda pissed with myself liao. LOL.
More serious stuff: subject combination. I guess i'm gonna take triple science after all. My parents knew of my...obsession with E lit. so they suggested triple science eith E lit. as the humans. Great. It's not so much of the subject itself, more of who's taking what. Considering Bi-cultural. Parents think it's a waste of time, but (as usual) i dun agree. Call me biased but that's the way i am. Will take Bi-cultural if there's motivation. (Hint, hint.) Just dun throw it away for me.
Hopefully can finish holiday homework by thursday. Then can slack for awhile. Before my mom starts nagging at me to study for EOYs.
Later.
Monday, August 25
Life sucks. Period.
Life sucks. I dun know why i'm even bothering to continue. Not being suicidal here. Just matter-of-fact. Doesn't mean i'm not emo. That's pretty much all i am these days. Sorry for screwing up the history prez. I suck. Lousy presentation from me. The rest of you were great. Sorry for being such a lousy group member. Sorry.
Later.
Later.
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