Holiday VII

... Okay. Really dun feel like talking about my holiday liao. I'm boring myself. LOL. So just briefly... Today went to yang ming shan. IT WAS FREAKIN' COLD!!! I was freezing my butt off there. The view was pretty good. And a cool restaurant with quite good food. The restaurant doesn't have a menu. The food served is like, decided on the spur of the moment by the chef or something. Pretty cool. =)

LOL. That's all about today. And I STILL HAVEN'T GOT SOUVENIRS FOR THE GUYS! Whatthehell... Gonna go shopping tomorrow. Anyway. Gonna start a new post.

Later.

Holiday VI

To those who think my holiday updates are interesting... You guys are lucky i changed my mind. You should thank the person who changed my mind. I was gonna stop posting 'cause i felt too sian. Oh well. But now i feel obliged to continue. I think i'll just post when i feel like, though. Not everyday. Today... Was boring. And disappointing. Went all the way from taipei to hsinchu before lunch. For a strawberry farm which was totally run-down and crappy. So went all the way back for dinner. Like, whatthehell?! LOL. You know i hate disappointments. But, well. That's life, i guess. Though the spam smses (though i'd save all of 'em if i could) brightened my day. =) Loved it. Thanks! (you-know-who)

Anyway not much stuff to blog about except that i'll upload the pics really soon... Okay, maybe with the class chalet ones i hope to take? Haha.

Later.

Holiday V

DAY 5
Okay. I'm seriously getting lazier. I think i'm just gonna post the highlights of the day. Like today, didn't do anything much. Just shopped. And i'm glad to say that i got souvenirs for all the 2A girls already. =) So i'm just left with the guys' stuff. Which is gonna be so much harder. Haiz. Any ideas, guys? LOL.

... Anyway i'm so outta things to talk about. Other than some...thoughts. I'm so SO freakin' depressed. Haiz. I miss smsing you so much. Damn. I feel so dumb. A couple of days and i can't stand it. So SO dumb. I felt so tempted to sms you today. Haiz. =(

Later.

Holiday IV

DAY 4
I'm getting lazier... And i've been feeling guilty lately. For eating too much. LOL. Gotta cut down. But kinda hard in taiwan. Anyway, woke up quite early in the morning (still can't kick the habit of waking up early), went for breakfast. Slacked in the hotel room for awhile, watched TV.

Went out later for spa. =) Took a few pics and will post them when i get back. LOL. It was a rather...interesting experience. Got lunch, slacked again. Went to danshui by train. It's kinda a park with wildlife and recreation. Like arcades, street vendors, whatever. Sat on a bench and stared at mudskippers and waterbirds for like, an hour, waiting for the sun to set. I'm not a nature kinda person, but it's quite fascinating. The sun finally set and i finally got some pics. Walked around the street stalls for awhile after that. Realised yet another career path was closed - i suck at shooting with a gun. LOL.

Walked around some more, and took a couple more pics. Will post pics. Got dinner, went for some retail therapy. Bought the top i was looking for (to go with my shoes/ boots). I was omg so happy. I guess retail therapy does help cheer me up. If only temporarily. Haiz. This sucks. Wished i could freakin' sms. Argh. Damn. Am so SO pissed. Or depressed. Whatever. Haiz. Still got like, 5 more days. =( Hell... Forget it. Not in the mood to blog liao. Stupid.

Later.
missyoumissyouloveyouloveyou

Holiday III

Hey. Here again to crap about my day. =)



DAY 3

Morning was pretty uneventful. Woke up, had breakfast and all that. Then went out to taipei mrt station. (Yeah. There're mrt stations.) Guess what? There're like stalls/ shops along the underground passages. Wanted to buy a pair of shoes (boots?) that caught my eye, but there wasn't my size. Stupid. =( Why are my feet so huge? Anyway, wandered around some more but didn't buy anything else. Okay, so i bought a keychain thing, but it doesn't count luhhs. It was cheap. Spied an arcade and decided to spend some money without buying anything. Went in and PLAYED. LOL. Realised that i totally SUCK at drums. So it's kinda a good thing that i didn't try it in singapore (with all those people watching). The arcade was really empty.

Went for lunch after that. Wandered around abit more and made my way back to the hotel slowly. Slept for awhile. (Erratic sleeping habits, remember?) Got up, watched TV in the hotel. (I know. No-lifer.) Went out, took the mrt to jiantan. There was something wrong with my token. LOL. Talk about unlucky. The first time i take public transport in taipei and something has to go wrong. Anyway, got to shilin night market (dunno what it's called luhhs) and really shopped.

Saw a stall selling REALLY HUGE sausages. And there was alot of food. ALOT. Someone would have liked it. Realised that i really can't stand the smell of stinky toufu. Well, 'cause it stinks. No offence, but i felt like puking when i smelt it. It smells like the garbage dump or something. Yuck. Anyway, not the point. There were plenty of shops. Selling clothes/ shoes/ accessories. Yay.

And OHMIGOSH I'M SO HAPPY. Finally got the shoes (boots?) i've been eyeing. Oh yeah. Finally. But it was pretty expensive. 750 in taipei currency. Which is like, 30+ singapore dollars. But who cares. Definitely worth it. Sister got similar shoes (boots) too. Shopped around awhile more, but didn't get anything else. Aim: get a top before end of the trip. Went back to the hotel.

Oh, one more thing. Traffic in taipei is TREACHEROUS. (Treacherous traffic in taipei.) Sometimes i wonder how i manage to cross the roads without anything happening to me. (Or the cars. Ha.) LOL. Anyway running outta stuff to say. Tag me soon. Please. You know who you are.
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

Later.

Holiday II

I'm back! =) Okay, so admittedly it's only a day. But one day's REALLY long for me when i can't sms. It's like, everytime i see something interesting i wanna share i unconsciously start reaching for my phone. Damn the overseas sms cost. Grr. Anyway, here's more about today...

DAY 2
Woke up early. Why the hell do i wake up early, even during the holidays/ when i'm overseas? That is one of those weird quirks of mine. Like, if i sleep fairly early (like 10 or 11) then i can't sleep till later than 9 or something. Anyway. Totally digressing. Went for breakfast at the hotel restaurant. Then went out to hang out. Like, walked around, wandered into a couple of shops but nothing much - didn't buy anything.

Got back to hotel after a couple of hours of AIMLESS wandering. Slept for awhile. My sleeping pattern's getting really erratic. After this trip (and the chalet after that), i'm not sure if i'll be able to sleep at night anymore. Haha, maybe that isn't a bad thing. LOL. I'm totally crapping. Today dun really feel like blogging.

Went to Taipei 101 after that. It was COLD at the 91st floor. (There're 101 floors btw. Duh. But the lift only works up till 89. Then have to climb stairs.) There wasn't much to see, mainly 'cause of this fog/ mist/ pollution. Whatever. Could see the "bright lights of the city" when darkness fell. It got dark freakin' early. Like, 6 plus. Whatthehell?! Will post the pics when i get home. Ha. Kinda blurred, 'cause my photography skills suck anyway. After that, went for dinner and got back to hotel. Tomorrow's gonna be alot of lazing around, and i'm determined to buy stuff. For you people. Aww. So dun complain.

That's all for today. Just wanna say i'm seriously...i really want to get home... =( So missing you. Reply...
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
Later.

Holiday I

Okay. Since i dun wanna be totally outta touch with the rest of the world - the rest of my world, i'm gonna blog daily about my trip. So you guys can hear about what i'm doing and go green with envy. But mostly so that i can crap and won't feel so bored. Yeah, i know. You guys must think i'm crazy. I mean, bored on a holiday? Like totally whatthehell. But that's me. And frankly i'd rather stay back home 'cause of...you. Anyway, i'll just get straight to the recount and save the crap (for the next post).
_________________________________________________________

DAY 1
Woke up waayy early. Okay, early for a day in school hols. But still, it was around 5. Did some last minute packing, rushed around looking for stuff, the usual. Managed to be on time for the cab to the airport though. Got to airport too early so we (in case anyone's wondering who i was with, i was with my family. Duh.) hung around the duty-free shops. LOL. Window shopping. I know, but we were bored. Sent my last sms before boarding. No prizes for guessing. Duh.

Boarded plane but cut it kinda close. Gate was closing, so had to rush a little. LOL. Irony. Get there too early, but end up late for boarding. Anyway, flight was really short. 4 hours, so nothing much to do. Listened to some music, played some multi-player games with my sis and we reached. Customs at Taipei took a looong time. Stupid queue. LOL. But in the end managed to get through all of that and got a cab to the hotel. The hotel's pretty okay. The best (damn) thing? The hotel has FREE internet connection in the room. (Hence the tagging. And the blogging. And the surfing of internet.) The catch is that need to get password from hotel reception everyday. Oh well. Small price to pay. Figuratively.

After all that slacking, (and very little breakfast/ lunch/ brunch), we finally went out for dinner. BUFFET dinner. LOL. Shall not bore y'all with the details of the buffet. Gluttony... Will post the pics when i get home, since i obviously (stupidly) forgot to bring my USB thumbdrive, so i can't transfer pics from my phone. Sadly. LOL.

And after THAT, went to a bookstore. 24-hr bookstore. Saw several books that i felt tempted to buy, but decided to save my cash for other stuff. In the end, only bought a piano score book. To those who are shocked (or have been shocked), yes, i play the piano. Then went back to hotel and bathed. Therefore am now slacking and blogging. Duh.
_________________________________________________________

That ends my day. Will be going to sleep...sometime. LOL. Blog more soon. And you're all welcome to sms me. Just that i won't reply. I'll probably reply on your blog/ my blog/ email/ something/ whatever. Anyway, an sms will be greatly appreciated. =) You know. Even though i dun want you to exceed. Sorry. I'm insecure that way.

Later.

Reviews and apologies

Been re-watching HSM 1 and 2 lately. And just went to watch HSM 3 recently. Conclusion? The show's becoming increasingly..."commercialised. (Quoted.) HSM 3 was...pretty bad. There was practically NO plot. Thanks to the songs, it wasn't THAT bad. But even some of the songs were pretty dull. How many times can people listen to similar melodies being recycled for different songs without getting bored? The lyrics were okay, though. My favourite songs? "Right Here, Right Now", "Can I Have This Dance", "The Boys Are Back" and "Scream". The rest were nice, but - like the word nice - pretty bland. Doesn't stick in my memory. Sorry if i was overly critical or whatever. But when there's anticipation, there's bound to be disappointment. I know i'm such a hypocrite. Saying so much good stuff about HSM and then now this. But i guess that's just how it is.

... Walao. I saw the Twilight movie trailer and i'm totally DISILLUSIONED. Edward Cullen in the movie isn't what i'd imagined. I'm crushed, devastated. How could they do this? Bella isn't that bad - pretty chio, actually. But apparently someone thinks otherwise. Okay, so maybe i'm not a guy so i'm not a very good judge. And maybe i was a LITTLE biased about EDward. But still, WHATTHEHELL. We (Twilight/ Edward fans) deserve better. And for the record, i'm not crazy over Edward. (Duh.) I just like the story. LOL. I just like romance. And when i'm not thinking about romance (mine or otherwise), i like fantasy. And i've always liked mythical creatures and legends. Okay, maybe that's under fantasy. Anyway, that's why i like the Twilight Saga. And now the movie (okay, just the trailer) might destroy my idealistic fantasy. But i'll still be watching. Even if it's just so that i can complain about how bad the movie was. Quoting again, the movie's totally "commercialised".

Some news: I MADE THE TEAM! I shouldn't say that too much 'cause i'd sound egoistic, but YAY. That means i have to train harder though. But whatever it takes. And it'll cut into more of my...social life, too. Like my class chalet. Really sorry. =( Forgive me? Sorry...

Anyway. Social life aside, i'm still thrilled about netball. Seems like i really love it, and not just for the CCA points. I'm not THAT shallow.

But... Seriously, sorry. I know it means alot to you, but i can't pon. I'm just not...that kind of person. I'm sorry. Hope you can see it my way and dun stay too mad at me. It's just in the evenings. I'll still be there in the mornings + afternoons + nights. Which is very important. Sorry.

And i'm gonna be outta town for awhile, so no posts for some time. Then class chalet, so i'll be busy. Will try to post when i gey back. Class chalet is gonna be...fun. (Understatement.)

Later.

The end.

Okay, technically it isn't REALLY the end, as someone tells me. But it sure feels that way. It's hard not to get attached to a class you've been in for 2 years, yeah? Haiz. I never was any good at saying goodbye. So i'm not gonna. Maybe i'm just fooling myself but living in denial's a pretty good way of keeping from depression. So maybe we can still meet up for chalets and outings next year during the school hols. I guess it wouldn't be that bad if there was something to look forward to?

Damn. Who am i kidding? Damn damn damn &*$%#. What the hell... I dun wanna say goodbye. "If we were a movie"... But that's not possible, so i guess we just have to make the most of the time we have left. Yeah. Hoping i can go for the class outings and stuff.

Not really in the mood to blog. Will post more (soon). Keep me away from sharp objects.

Later.

Withdrawal syndromes of a you-addict: almost-depression, thinking too much.

LOL. Really long time since i last posted. Since exams are over will try to post more. (But somehow i dun think that's possible. Middle name = procrastination.)

Haiz. Post-exams days feel so...empty. Like no aim, y'know? I dunno, maybe it's 'cause i'm a really goal-oriented person, but when there's nothing to work for i just kinda...drift. And think. Alot. (Dun worry, i'll stop when it starts to hurt my head. Which seems to be very quickly.)

Been thinking about...stuff. Like end of the year. End of 2A. Okay, technically it isn't the end, 'cause we're all still gonna see each other in school from time to time and blah blah. But it won't feel the same anymore. Sure, most of us might end up in the same class. But it won't be the same. So i guess i just wanna make the most of the time left. However much is left.

I really hate saying good-byes. I mean, if i try, if i really try, i think i can just about make it through the farewells with a brave front and false cheer. It's about time i thought of someone else other than myself, anyway. Not to bring up old (and possibly painful) memories, but the way i behaved on that Saturday... Let's just say although it wasn't technically saying goodbye, i didn't make things any easier for anyone.

Sometimes i dunno what to do. Like whether letting my true emotions show is better or will i help those i love by pretending to be happy? Maybe they won't like to be kept in the dark, but i just can't bear to hurt them. 'Cause it hurts me to see them hurt. I guess i'm just selfish that way. Dun know why people continue hanging out with me.

Anyway. Although strictly speaking, this isn't supposed to be an emo post, it isn't exactly gonna be a happy one. I guess you've gathered as much from the stuff i've been rambling on about. Let's just say i've had a lot of time to think.

Since i'm talking about sad, serious stuff, let's go for something really serious. Academically, i mean. Yeah. Subject combinations. Y'know, ever since the subject combi thing became something to really talk about, i've been kinda dreading it. And then came this...whole thing, and now i'm even more reluctant to think about it. 'Cause thinking about it would mean making a decision about it, and making a decision somehow just makes the end seem to draw closer. I know, i know, it's a psychological thing. A fear of unknown, i guess. I just dun like uncertainties in my life. Which is probably why i cling on so hard to my certainty. (Singular, see?) Even though it really makes me seem needy and clingy and desperate at times.

Anyway back to the subject of subject combi. I've never really thought of what i want to be. When i was younger (that makes me sound old), i've had ideas of being a vet, zookeeper, biologist, whatever. I used to be really in love with animals. I suppose you could call that my first love? LOL. Kidding. The point is, once i've stopped being so naive and became more cynical... I just kinda lost my focus in life. Like, when i was younger, i wanted to do well in science 'cause my parnts told me i had to if i wanted to be a vet. And i just did what my parents wanted me to, since well, i was kinda 'guai'. Now, i dun know what i want in life. Okay, maybe not so general. More like i dunno what i want from my studies, my career, whatever. I want to do well in school, but that's about as far as i get. Do well in what areas? I'm starting to question a lot of stuff. I used to love sciences, now i'm more into literature. It doesn't change the fact that i'm better at sciences, since my foundation is stronger. I'm just...confused, i guess.

Whatever. I think... I want to put on a different mask for this 2 weeks before the end of school; the start of holidays. I'm gonna try being loud and noisy and cheerful and all the things you (people) love me for. I'm not gonna spend the rest of my sec 2 school days making others emo 'cause of my emo-ness. I'll be a good girl from now on. By good girl, i mean: caring friend, responsible team member, committed player, good daughter, and a good best friend. I mean what i say, so try and make things easier for me? I want to make a "clean break", 'cause i know this can't carry on. We both know. I guess we should stop pretending otherwise. Maybe in a few years' time.

Before you...my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy...When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.

Later.

P/S: Just a quote. Doesn't mean i'm gonna do anything, but... Dun read too much into it. Some people like quoting from songs, i like quoting from books.

Emo emu. LOL.

Yay. Finally updating again. LOL. Dunno what's with my mood swings lately. Something to do with the dizziness and headaches and almost-fainting spells. Or maybe i've always been like this. LOL. Just took me long to realise.

Dunno what's wrong with me lately. As in, yeah, i know i'm gonna fall sick soon. Hopefully either this week or not at all. 'Cause EOYs then class gathering then slacking and stuff. So...yeah. And my memory's getting worse. I dun wanna forget. I mean, there're stuff i wish never happened and wished i could erase them. But if it means taking away all the great memories of us... I'd rather live with the bad ones.

That was kinda random. But felt kinda good. Maybe now i'll stop causing my art knife/ pen knife to rust. LOL. (Okay, maybe not so LOL.)

Anyway... Kinda sucky speech today. Was all i could do not to black out. Couldn't concentrate on what i was saying. Kinda like after PE. My heart was like suddenly thumping damn fast, for god knows what reason. Wasn't even because of the exercise. And my chest felt really tight, like someone was squeezing my ribcage. Could hardly breathe. My vision sorta blurred around the edges. Felt really dizzy. And the whole thing was damn freaky. As in, it's not the first time ever, but the first in like, half a year. Freaky day.

Really scared that something's gonna happen to me, actually. Not being melodramatic here. (Wish i were though.) It's a premonition thing. Like, something really bad's gonna happen. (No, not EOYs. Though it IS a pretty bad thing. LOL.) To quote: "If it happens, i'll be right but screwed. If it doesn't, i'll be wrong but happy". Or something like that. =)

Thought of posting some more lines and stuffs i thought up, but decided against it. Too morbid, and i dun wanna spoil this post's "not-emo" vibe. LOL. Maybe next time, when i'm more emo. Just managed to bring things under control. Dun wanna set off another tear-fest. LOL.

Later.

Anorexia?!

LOL. Short entry:

Didn't know speech and drama was that...interesting. And fun. =) LOL. And slack. Ha. (winks)

Nothing much to blog. Not supposed to be blogging actually. Doing it furtively while pretending to be researching for my LA speech. I'm doing anorexia. Yeah, i know, change of topic. And doesn't even relate to me. Except maybe i'm the exact opposite of an anorexic person. Quoted from someone. LOL. Think my speech's gonna suck. But if my sucky speech can get you a higher grade, i guess i'll live with it. 'Cause that's the least i could do to...repay you. Or something. I won't suck on purpose. I dun have to, anyway.

Starting to sound like an emo post... It's scary how easily i can get emo, but i'm not gonna let that happen. At least not today. Or tomorrow. "One dose should keep me going for a couple of days". LOL. Never mind if you dun get it. As long as someone does.

Still have to work on my evil laugh... [insert (un-)evil laugh here] LOL. Must believe that i can do it. =) "How can i fail with you rooting for me?" (Another famous quote from you.)

Gotta go before i get busted. LOL. Guess it's time to start working on my speech.

Later.

Emotional rollercoaster

Wow. Now i totally believe it when they say something will happen if you think hard enough about it. And telepathy. And scary (but well-timed) coincidences. Sometimes i just love the way stuff (sorta) works out. Anyway haven't had a proper post lately cos 1) too busy and 2) too emo. Now that i've actually found the time to blog (actually, blogging under the pretense of doing e-learning), i realise there isn't much to blog about. LOL. Maybe gonna be a little random.

Coaching CIP at henry park primary today. THE KIDS ARE SO CUTE! But kinda rude. Oh well who cares. I guess kids these days grow up faster, blah blah blah. Wish i could go again tomorrow, but apparently we can only go for one day 'cause our B div team has too many people. LOL. Never mind. I'll get my exercise tomorrow. Badminton. Yay. But somehow dun feel as enthusiastic. Doesn't mean i dun wanna play though. But still.

Holiday homework. Finished LA essay and draft for chinese compo. Muahaha. But ran out of gao2 zhi3 so can't write out. Need to buy. =( Anyway not going to school till friday, so not gonna hand in till friday. Ha. (And you thought i was guai?) Attempting to print out scanned pages of math workbook, since i didn't bring it home. Again. Kinda pissed with myself liao. LOL.

More serious stuff: subject combination. I guess i'm gonna take triple science after all. My parents knew of my...obsession with E lit. so they suggested triple science eith E lit. as the humans. Great. It's not so much of the subject itself, more of who's taking what. Considering Bi-cultural. Parents think it's a waste of time, but (as usual) i dun agree. Call me biased but that's the way i am. Will take Bi-cultural if there's motivation. (Hint, hint.) Just dun throw it away for me.

Hopefully can finish holiday homework by thursday. Then can slack for awhile. Before my mom starts nagging at me to study for EOYs.

Later.

Life sucks. Period.

Life sucks. I dun know why i'm even bothering to continue. Not being suicidal here. Just matter-of-fact. Doesn't mean i'm not emo. That's pretty much all i am these days. Sorry for screwing up the history prez. I suck. Lousy presentation from me. The rest of you were great. Sorry for being such a lousy group member. Sorry.

Later.

OM

Great. Just great. Who knew making desicions were this hard? "I really need a lucky break." And maybe some things finally going my way. For once.

Later.

Not your fault

I guess partly it's my fault. And totally not your fault kae? Stop beating yourself up over it. Haiz. Sometimes i wonder why i'm still doing this. Goddamn hell. I really hope i didn't get you into (worse) trouble. Can still remember the last time i (almost) did. Really sorry. If anything happens, can you forgive me? Sorry. I never meant for this to happen. But i still can't stop hoping. I guess i never learn enough to stop being so..."hopelessly hopeful". And i dun go looking for sharp objects. I just find them lying there. Sorry.

Later.

Emo and stressed. Can't life ever be simple?

Life sucks. Period. Can't things go the way they should? Dun fairytale endings ever happen? Haiz. Dun know how much more i can take. Guess i just dun know when to give up. I'm hopeless. Gonna study for Chemistry now. Dun wanna screw up my common tests, else my phone would be confiscated. Damn it.

Later.

Some people are so influential

I may not the best person to say this, but can't you people stop emo-ing? (I know. Ironic. Who was the one who cried in school? LOL. But still.) I'm only saying this 'cause i actually care about you people, just like how you all were with me when i was emo. Dun emo kae? If not i'll feel emo as well.



...

Shit. I hate it when this happens. All of a sudden i'm feeling emo. It's like, it sneaks up on me and BAM, i feel emo. But not for no reason. Maybe i shouldn't be so easily influenced, but whatthehell, i feel emo after reading his post. And talking to ZM. And after what happened today. It's like i've been doing fine the whole..past couple of weeks or something. And now this. I guess i should have known it was just a matter of time before i relapsed. It's like some kinda withdrawal thing. Like emo-ing is something that's part of me now. Did any of you know this year was the year i cried the most? About the same as the number of times i cried from 2001 till 2007 dec 31. And it's not even the end of the year yet.

Crying wasn't my thing. Neither was emo-ing. When i was sad or emo, i used to get really pissed and start shouting at people so i wouldn't cry instead. But now, it's like i finally learnt to cry. Maybe it isn't that bad a thing. It showed me a side of myself i've never dared to let out. It's about time i found myself. And maybe this side of me, this more vulnerable side isn't that bad. Since i'm supposedly "unstable" and have so many mood swings, i guess i can continue doing that. Heck, I dun suppose people will be that surprised if i do myself in one of these days. It doesn't seem like such a bad idea now.

But then, i guess i was being really selfish. Even if i dun wanna think of myself, still gotta think of others. People who care about me, people who will be hurt. Or maybe i'm just deluding myself and no one (except someone) really cares.

Dun know what i'm writing. Dun really care. Dun care who reads this either. Just wanna get this outta my head. So much i wanna say. Argh. Dun you people know what is the meaning of PRIVACY? Like, personal space, time alone? I wanna do/ say the things i wanna do/ say. I hate it when there are so many stuffs to consider. I want my privacy back. I want it to continue being a secret, but i guess there's no turning back now. "Scandalous". Whatthehell. Too much publicity isn't a good thing. I never wanted this. I just wanted to be happy, okay? Whatthebloodyhell. NOW IT'S SO SCREWED. And i feel like doing something drastic. They all know anyway. What's the point?

They all think it's so...fun, so "cool" to hurt people where they're the weakest. So what if you know it all? I may do something to shock you all. Dun worry, if i'm gonna be punished it'll just be me. I'd rather die than let someone take the blame for/with me. I'll be responsible for the things i do. Ask no questions and i'll tell no lies. I dun wanna lie to people, but sometimes they leave me with no choice. So, sorry guys. It was never on purpose.

I need to talk to someone. It's not a want, it's a need. And i can tell it's not happening in the near future. Hell, is this really that wrong? If they can give me a better reason then maturity level and studies, i'm willing to listen. Otherwise, i think i'm quite sure of what i'm doing, thank you very much. And i'm not doing it for my image or my publicity or whatever crap you guys can come up with. I'm doing it for us. Enough said.

Emo-ness comes so easily but takes damn long to go away. But i welcome it back like an old friend. I'm such a weird person.

I'm on the brink of breakdown/ Need you there for me/ When the darkness ends, there's light

Later.

Can't think of one that would do this post justice

I realise that *most* of the time when i post, it's just to talk about emo stuff. And emo in front of the computer. LOL. At least this one *won't* be an emo post. I *swear*. It's gonna be a random one. =) Dun say i didn't warn you.

Now, what shall i talk about? Ooh, i know. *National Day*. Or National Day celebrations in school, since i didn't really watch the parade on television. It was *kinda*...fun. Or interesting. Whatever. The marching was okay... But couldn't really see much, since i wasn't standing in front. LOL. Not that it would have made *much* difference. I mean, i'm not a UG person, so wouldn't have been able to tell if they were marching *properly*. Sec 1 foramtion thingy after that. Everyone went to the grandstand. Again, couldn't really see, this time 'cause of the pillar. LOL. But seemed quite good, taking into account the *short* time the Sec 1s were given to practise. So...yeah, well done. The performances were also pretty good. Compared to the usual stuff. No offence though. But kinda no link to National Day. I'm not complaining though. They can have this every year. =)

LOL. Didn't realise that crapping can take up *so* much space. Anyway, after school i had to stay back. Pacer's test. Spent time shooting, eating lunch and banging on the canteen/ hall piano. I think the canteen one *seriously* needs to be tuned. Then...pacer's test. And i'm happy to say i've improved! From 6.9 to 8.2. Yay for me. LOL. Went home. Slacked. Didn't do homework.

Anyway, since this *is* a random post, i shall announce that i ran 5km today. In 31.15 mins. Yay. Then went home and did sit-ups, push-ups and any other form of exercise i could think of. Dunno why, just had a sudden random burst of energy. Just *had* to do some exercise. Call me a health nut, but that's me for you.

And i got new specs! Okay, maybe it looks abit like my old one but whatever. And i wore contacts to school for the *first* time on friday. =) LOL. I'm *really* random. And i want breaking dawn! Can't believe that popular doesn't have stock. What. The. Hell. Damn. Guess i'll just have to wait, but the suspense is killing me. =(

Anyway not much left to talk about. My tagboard's *dying*. Gotta think of ways to save it. LOL.

There's a Chance You Could Be Violent

Overall, you're a pretty chill person - and you have a good handle on your emotions. Sometimes your anger gets the best of you, and end up regretting how you act. Try to curb your temper more often. It only has to get out of control once to do some damage.

Could You Be Violent?

LOL. Searching for my ex-classmates' blogs now. Shh. A little help would be appreciated. LOL. Found denise's and ryan's blogs. Still finding. *Very* busy. More soon.

Later.

Disappointed. But that's life, i guess

Haiz. Kinda disappointed today, 'cause when i woke up i thought it would be a great day. Guess i was wrong - again. I never learn, do i? Maybe things will be different next time. I sure hope so. Short post today. Not really in the mood and school night anyway.

Later.