Holiday IV

DAY 4
I'm getting lazier... And i've been feeling guilty lately. For eating too much. LOL. Gotta cut down. But kinda hard in taiwan. Anyway, woke up quite early in the morning (still can't kick the habit of waking up early), went for breakfast. Slacked in the hotel room for awhile, watched TV.

Went out later for spa. =) Took a few pics and will post them when i get back. LOL. It was a rather...interesting experience. Got lunch, slacked again. Went to danshui by train. It's kinda a park with wildlife and recreation. Like arcades, street vendors, whatever. Sat on a bench and stared at mudskippers and waterbirds for like, an hour, waiting for the sun to set. I'm not a nature kinda person, but it's quite fascinating. The sun finally set and i finally got some pics. Walked around the street stalls for awhile after that. Realised yet another career path was closed - i suck at shooting with a gun. LOL.

Walked around some more, and took a couple more pics. Will post pics. Got dinner, went for some retail therapy. Bought the top i was looking for (to go with my shoes/ boots). I was omg so happy. I guess retail therapy does help cheer me up. If only temporarily. Haiz. This sucks. Wished i could freakin' sms. Argh. Damn. Am so SO pissed. Or depressed. Whatever. Haiz. Still got like, 5 more days. =( Hell... Forget it. Not in the mood to blog liao. Stupid.

Later.
missyoumissyouloveyouloveyou

Holiday III

Hey. Here again to crap about my day. =)



DAY 3

Morning was pretty uneventful. Woke up, had breakfast and all that. Then went out to taipei mrt station. (Yeah. There're mrt stations.) Guess what? There're like stalls/ shops along the underground passages. Wanted to buy a pair of shoes (boots?) that caught my eye, but there wasn't my size. Stupid. =( Why are my feet so huge? Anyway, wandered around some more but didn't buy anything else. Okay, so i bought a keychain thing, but it doesn't count luhhs. It was cheap. Spied an arcade and decided to spend some money without buying anything. Went in and PLAYED. LOL. Realised that i totally SUCK at drums. So it's kinda a good thing that i didn't try it in singapore (with all those people watching). The arcade was really empty.

Went for lunch after that. Wandered around abit more and made my way back to the hotel slowly. Slept for awhile. (Erratic sleeping habits, remember?) Got up, watched TV in the hotel. (I know. No-lifer.) Went out, took the mrt to jiantan. There was something wrong with my token. LOL. Talk about unlucky. The first time i take public transport in taipei and something has to go wrong. Anyway, got to shilin night market (dunno what it's called luhhs) and really shopped.

Saw a stall selling REALLY HUGE sausages. And there was alot of food. ALOT. Someone would have liked it. Realised that i really can't stand the smell of stinky toufu. Well, 'cause it stinks. No offence, but i felt like puking when i smelt it. It smells like the garbage dump or something. Yuck. Anyway, not the point. There were plenty of shops. Selling clothes/ shoes/ accessories. Yay.

And OHMIGOSH I'M SO HAPPY. Finally got the shoes (boots?) i've been eyeing. Oh yeah. Finally. But it was pretty expensive. 750 in taipei currency. Which is like, 30+ singapore dollars. But who cares. Definitely worth it. Sister got similar shoes (boots) too. Shopped around awhile more, but didn't get anything else. Aim: get a top before end of the trip. Went back to the hotel.

Oh, one more thing. Traffic in taipei is TREACHEROUS. (Treacherous traffic in taipei.) Sometimes i wonder how i manage to cross the roads without anything happening to me. (Or the cars. Ha.) LOL. Anyway running outta stuff to say. Tag me soon. Please. You know who you are.
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

Later.

Holiday II

I'm back! =) Okay, so admittedly it's only a day. But one day's REALLY long for me when i can't sms. It's like, everytime i see something interesting i wanna share i unconsciously start reaching for my phone. Damn the overseas sms cost. Grr. Anyway, here's more about today...

DAY 2
Woke up early. Why the hell do i wake up early, even during the holidays/ when i'm overseas? That is one of those weird quirks of mine. Like, if i sleep fairly early (like 10 or 11) then i can't sleep till later than 9 or something. Anyway. Totally digressing. Went for breakfast at the hotel restaurant. Then went out to hang out. Like, walked around, wandered into a couple of shops but nothing much - didn't buy anything.

Got back to hotel after a couple of hours of AIMLESS wandering. Slept for awhile. My sleeping pattern's getting really erratic. After this trip (and the chalet after that), i'm not sure if i'll be able to sleep at night anymore. Haha, maybe that isn't a bad thing. LOL. I'm totally crapping. Today dun really feel like blogging.

Went to Taipei 101 after that. It was COLD at the 91st floor. (There're 101 floors btw. Duh. But the lift only works up till 89. Then have to climb stairs.) There wasn't much to see, mainly 'cause of this fog/ mist/ pollution. Whatever. Could see the "bright lights of the city" when darkness fell. It got dark freakin' early. Like, 6 plus. Whatthehell?! Will post the pics when i get home. Ha. Kinda blurred, 'cause my photography skills suck anyway. After that, went for dinner and got back to hotel. Tomorrow's gonna be alot of lazing around, and i'm determined to buy stuff. For you people. Aww. So dun complain.

That's all for today. Just wanna say i'm seriously...i really want to get home... =( So missing you. Reply...
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
Later.

Holiday I

Okay. Since i dun wanna be totally outta touch with the rest of the world - the rest of my world, i'm gonna blog daily about my trip. So you guys can hear about what i'm doing and go green with envy. But mostly so that i can crap and won't feel so bored. Yeah, i know. You guys must think i'm crazy. I mean, bored on a holiday? Like totally whatthehell. But that's me. And frankly i'd rather stay back home 'cause of...you. Anyway, i'll just get straight to the recount and save the crap (for the next post).
_________________________________________________________

DAY 1
Woke up waayy early. Okay, early for a day in school hols. But still, it was around 5. Did some last minute packing, rushed around looking for stuff, the usual. Managed to be on time for the cab to the airport though. Got to airport too early so we (in case anyone's wondering who i was with, i was with my family. Duh.) hung around the duty-free shops. LOL. Window shopping. I know, but we were bored. Sent my last sms before boarding. No prizes for guessing. Duh.

Boarded plane but cut it kinda close. Gate was closing, so had to rush a little. LOL. Irony. Get there too early, but end up late for boarding. Anyway, flight was really short. 4 hours, so nothing much to do. Listened to some music, played some multi-player games with my sis and we reached. Customs at Taipei took a looong time. Stupid queue. LOL. But in the end managed to get through all of that and got a cab to the hotel. The hotel's pretty okay. The best (damn) thing? The hotel has FREE internet connection in the room. (Hence the tagging. And the blogging. And the surfing of internet.) The catch is that need to get password from hotel reception everyday. Oh well. Small price to pay. Figuratively.

After all that slacking, (and very little breakfast/ lunch/ brunch), we finally went out for dinner. BUFFET dinner. LOL. Shall not bore y'all with the details of the buffet. Gluttony... Will post the pics when i get home, since i obviously (stupidly) forgot to bring my USB thumbdrive, so i can't transfer pics from my phone. Sadly. LOL.

And after THAT, went to a bookstore. 24-hr bookstore. Saw several books that i felt tempted to buy, but decided to save my cash for other stuff. In the end, only bought a piano score book. To those who are shocked (or have been shocked), yes, i play the piano. Then went back to hotel and bathed. Therefore am now slacking and blogging. Duh.
_________________________________________________________

That ends my day. Will be going to sleep...sometime. LOL. Blog more soon. And you're all welcome to sms me. Just that i won't reply. I'll probably reply on your blog/ my blog/ email/ something/ whatever. Anyway, an sms will be greatly appreciated. =) You know. Even though i dun want you to exceed. Sorry. I'm insecure that way.

Later.

Reviews and apologies

Been re-watching HSM 1 and 2 lately. And just went to watch HSM 3 recently. Conclusion? The show's becoming increasingly..."commercialised. (Quoted.) HSM 3 was...pretty bad. There was practically NO plot. Thanks to the songs, it wasn't THAT bad. But even some of the songs were pretty dull. How many times can people listen to similar melodies being recycled for different songs without getting bored? The lyrics were okay, though. My favourite songs? "Right Here, Right Now", "Can I Have This Dance", "The Boys Are Back" and "Scream". The rest were nice, but - like the word nice - pretty bland. Doesn't stick in my memory. Sorry if i was overly critical or whatever. But when there's anticipation, there's bound to be disappointment. I know i'm such a hypocrite. Saying so much good stuff about HSM and then now this. But i guess that's just how it is.

... Walao. I saw the Twilight movie trailer and i'm totally DISILLUSIONED. Edward Cullen in the movie isn't what i'd imagined. I'm crushed, devastated. How could they do this? Bella isn't that bad - pretty chio, actually. But apparently someone thinks otherwise. Okay, so maybe i'm not a guy so i'm not a very good judge. And maybe i was a LITTLE biased about EDward. But still, WHATTHEHELL. We (Twilight/ Edward fans) deserve better. And for the record, i'm not crazy over Edward. (Duh.) I just like the story. LOL. I just like romance. And when i'm not thinking about romance (mine or otherwise), i like fantasy. And i've always liked mythical creatures and legends. Okay, maybe that's under fantasy. Anyway, that's why i like the Twilight Saga. And now the movie (okay, just the trailer) might destroy my idealistic fantasy. But i'll still be watching. Even if it's just so that i can complain about how bad the movie was. Quoting again, the movie's totally "commercialised".

Some news: I MADE THE TEAM! I shouldn't say that too much 'cause i'd sound egoistic, but YAY. That means i have to train harder though. But whatever it takes. And it'll cut into more of my...social life, too. Like my class chalet. Really sorry. =( Forgive me? Sorry...

Anyway. Social life aside, i'm still thrilled about netball. Seems like i really love it, and not just for the CCA points. I'm not THAT shallow.

But... Seriously, sorry. I know it means alot to you, but i can't pon. I'm just not...that kind of person. I'm sorry. Hope you can see it my way and dun stay too mad at me. It's just in the evenings. I'll still be there in the mornings + afternoons + nights. Which is very important. Sorry.

And i'm gonna be outta town for awhile, so no posts for some time. Then class chalet, so i'll be busy. Will try to post when i gey back. Class chalet is gonna be...fun. (Understatement.)

Later.

The end.

Okay, technically it isn't REALLY the end, as someone tells me. But it sure feels that way. It's hard not to get attached to a class you've been in for 2 years, yeah? Haiz. I never was any good at saying goodbye. So i'm not gonna. Maybe i'm just fooling myself but living in denial's a pretty good way of keeping from depression. So maybe we can still meet up for chalets and outings next year during the school hols. I guess it wouldn't be that bad if there was something to look forward to?

Damn. Who am i kidding? Damn damn damn &*$%#. What the hell... I dun wanna say goodbye. "If we were a movie"... But that's not possible, so i guess we just have to make the most of the time we have left. Yeah. Hoping i can go for the class outings and stuff.

Not really in the mood to blog. Will post more (soon). Keep me away from sharp objects.

Later.

Withdrawal syndromes of a you-addict: almost-depression, thinking too much.

LOL. Really long time since i last posted. Since exams are over will try to post more. (But somehow i dun think that's possible. Middle name = procrastination.)

Haiz. Post-exams days feel so...empty. Like no aim, y'know? I dunno, maybe it's 'cause i'm a really goal-oriented person, but when there's nothing to work for i just kinda...drift. And think. Alot. (Dun worry, i'll stop when it starts to hurt my head. Which seems to be very quickly.)

Been thinking about...stuff. Like end of the year. End of 2A. Okay, technically it isn't the end, 'cause we're all still gonna see each other in school from time to time and blah blah. But it won't feel the same anymore. Sure, most of us might end up in the same class. But it won't be the same. So i guess i just wanna make the most of the time left. However much is left.

I really hate saying good-byes. I mean, if i try, if i really try, i think i can just about make it through the farewells with a brave front and false cheer. It's about time i thought of someone else other than myself, anyway. Not to bring up old (and possibly painful) memories, but the way i behaved on that Saturday... Let's just say although it wasn't technically saying goodbye, i didn't make things any easier for anyone.

Sometimes i dunno what to do. Like whether letting my true emotions show is better or will i help those i love by pretending to be happy? Maybe they won't like to be kept in the dark, but i just can't bear to hurt them. 'Cause it hurts me to see them hurt. I guess i'm just selfish that way. Dun know why people continue hanging out with me.

Anyway. Although strictly speaking, this isn't supposed to be an emo post, it isn't exactly gonna be a happy one. I guess you've gathered as much from the stuff i've been rambling on about. Let's just say i've had a lot of time to think.

Since i'm talking about sad, serious stuff, let's go for something really serious. Academically, i mean. Yeah. Subject combinations. Y'know, ever since the subject combi thing became something to really talk about, i've been kinda dreading it. And then came this...whole thing, and now i'm even more reluctant to think about it. 'Cause thinking about it would mean making a decision about it, and making a decision somehow just makes the end seem to draw closer. I know, i know, it's a psychological thing. A fear of unknown, i guess. I just dun like uncertainties in my life. Which is probably why i cling on so hard to my certainty. (Singular, see?) Even though it really makes me seem needy and clingy and desperate at times.

Anyway back to the subject of subject combi. I've never really thought of what i want to be. When i was younger (that makes me sound old), i've had ideas of being a vet, zookeeper, biologist, whatever. I used to be really in love with animals. I suppose you could call that my first love? LOL. Kidding. The point is, once i've stopped being so naive and became more cynical... I just kinda lost my focus in life. Like, when i was younger, i wanted to do well in science 'cause my parnts told me i had to if i wanted to be a vet. And i just did what my parents wanted me to, since well, i was kinda 'guai'. Now, i dun know what i want in life. Okay, maybe not so general. More like i dunno what i want from my studies, my career, whatever. I want to do well in school, but that's about as far as i get. Do well in what areas? I'm starting to question a lot of stuff. I used to love sciences, now i'm more into literature. It doesn't change the fact that i'm better at sciences, since my foundation is stronger. I'm just...confused, i guess.

Whatever. I think... I want to put on a different mask for this 2 weeks before the end of school; the start of holidays. I'm gonna try being loud and noisy and cheerful and all the things you (people) love me for. I'm not gonna spend the rest of my sec 2 school days making others emo 'cause of my emo-ness. I'll be a good girl from now on. By good girl, i mean: caring friend, responsible team member, committed player, good daughter, and a good best friend. I mean what i say, so try and make things easier for me? I want to make a "clean break", 'cause i know this can't carry on. We both know. I guess we should stop pretending otherwise. Maybe in a few years' time.

Before you...my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy...When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.

Later.

P/S: Just a quote. Doesn't mean i'm gonna do anything, but... Dun read too much into it. Some people like quoting from songs, i like quoting from books.

Emo emu. LOL.

Yay. Finally updating again. LOL. Dunno what's with my mood swings lately. Something to do with the dizziness and headaches and almost-fainting spells. Or maybe i've always been like this. LOL. Just took me long to realise.

Dunno what's wrong with me lately. As in, yeah, i know i'm gonna fall sick soon. Hopefully either this week or not at all. 'Cause EOYs then class gathering then slacking and stuff. So...yeah. And my memory's getting worse. I dun wanna forget. I mean, there're stuff i wish never happened and wished i could erase them. But if it means taking away all the great memories of us... I'd rather live with the bad ones.

That was kinda random. But felt kinda good. Maybe now i'll stop causing my art knife/ pen knife to rust. LOL. (Okay, maybe not so LOL.)

Anyway... Kinda sucky speech today. Was all i could do not to black out. Couldn't concentrate on what i was saying. Kinda like after PE. My heart was like suddenly thumping damn fast, for god knows what reason. Wasn't even because of the exercise. And my chest felt really tight, like someone was squeezing my ribcage. Could hardly breathe. My vision sorta blurred around the edges. Felt really dizzy. And the whole thing was damn freaky. As in, it's not the first time ever, but the first in like, half a year. Freaky day.

Really scared that something's gonna happen to me, actually. Not being melodramatic here. (Wish i were though.) It's a premonition thing. Like, something really bad's gonna happen. (No, not EOYs. Though it IS a pretty bad thing. LOL.) To quote: "If it happens, i'll be right but screwed. If it doesn't, i'll be wrong but happy". Or something like that. =)

Thought of posting some more lines and stuffs i thought up, but decided against it. Too morbid, and i dun wanna spoil this post's "not-emo" vibe. LOL. Maybe next time, when i'm more emo. Just managed to bring things under control. Dun wanna set off another tear-fest. LOL.

Later.

Anorexia?!

LOL. Short entry:

Didn't know speech and drama was that...interesting. And fun. =) LOL. And slack. Ha. (winks)

Nothing much to blog. Not supposed to be blogging actually. Doing it furtively while pretending to be researching for my LA speech. I'm doing anorexia. Yeah, i know, change of topic. And doesn't even relate to me. Except maybe i'm the exact opposite of an anorexic person. Quoted from someone. LOL. Think my speech's gonna suck. But if my sucky speech can get you a higher grade, i guess i'll live with it. 'Cause that's the least i could do to...repay you. Or something. I won't suck on purpose. I dun have to, anyway.

Starting to sound like an emo post... It's scary how easily i can get emo, but i'm not gonna let that happen. At least not today. Or tomorrow. "One dose should keep me going for a couple of days". LOL. Never mind if you dun get it. As long as someone does.

Still have to work on my evil laugh... [insert (un-)evil laugh here] LOL. Must believe that i can do it. =) "How can i fail with you rooting for me?" (Another famous quote from you.)

Gotta go before i get busted. LOL. Guess it's time to start working on my speech.

Later.

Emotional rollercoaster

Wow. Now i totally believe it when they say something will happen if you think hard enough about it. And telepathy. And scary (but well-timed) coincidences. Sometimes i just love the way stuff (sorta) works out. Anyway haven't had a proper post lately cos 1) too busy and 2) too emo. Now that i've actually found the time to blog (actually, blogging under the pretense of doing e-learning), i realise there isn't much to blog about. LOL. Maybe gonna be a little random.

Coaching CIP at henry park primary today. THE KIDS ARE SO CUTE! But kinda rude. Oh well who cares. I guess kids these days grow up faster, blah blah blah. Wish i could go again tomorrow, but apparently we can only go for one day 'cause our B div team has too many people. LOL. Never mind. I'll get my exercise tomorrow. Badminton. Yay. But somehow dun feel as enthusiastic. Doesn't mean i dun wanna play though. But still.

Holiday homework. Finished LA essay and draft for chinese compo. Muahaha. But ran out of gao2 zhi3 so can't write out. Need to buy. =( Anyway not going to school till friday, so not gonna hand in till friday. Ha. (And you thought i was guai?) Attempting to print out scanned pages of math workbook, since i didn't bring it home. Again. Kinda pissed with myself liao. LOL.

More serious stuff: subject combination. I guess i'm gonna take triple science after all. My parents knew of my...obsession with E lit. so they suggested triple science eith E lit. as the humans. Great. It's not so much of the subject itself, more of who's taking what. Considering Bi-cultural. Parents think it's a waste of time, but (as usual) i dun agree. Call me biased but that's the way i am. Will take Bi-cultural if there's motivation. (Hint, hint.) Just dun throw it away for me.

Hopefully can finish holiday homework by thursday. Then can slack for awhile. Before my mom starts nagging at me to study for EOYs.

Later.

Life sucks. Period.

Life sucks. I dun know why i'm even bothering to continue. Not being suicidal here. Just matter-of-fact. Doesn't mean i'm not emo. That's pretty much all i am these days. Sorry for screwing up the history prez. I suck. Lousy presentation from me. The rest of you were great. Sorry for being such a lousy group member. Sorry.

Later.

OM

Great. Just great. Who knew making desicions were this hard? "I really need a lucky break." And maybe some things finally going my way. For once.

Later.

Not your fault

I guess partly it's my fault. And totally not your fault kae? Stop beating yourself up over it. Haiz. Sometimes i wonder why i'm still doing this. Goddamn hell. I really hope i didn't get you into (worse) trouble. Can still remember the last time i (almost) did. Really sorry. If anything happens, can you forgive me? Sorry. I never meant for this to happen. But i still can't stop hoping. I guess i never learn enough to stop being so..."hopelessly hopeful". And i dun go looking for sharp objects. I just find them lying there. Sorry.

Later.

Emo and stressed. Can't life ever be simple?

Life sucks. Period. Can't things go the way they should? Dun fairytale endings ever happen? Haiz. Dun know how much more i can take. Guess i just dun know when to give up. I'm hopeless. Gonna study for Chemistry now. Dun wanna screw up my common tests, else my phone would be confiscated. Damn it.

Later.

Some people are so influential

I may not the best person to say this, but can't you people stop emo-ing? (I know. Ironic. Who was the one who cried in school? LOL. But still.) I'm only saying this 'cause i actually care about you people, just like how you all were with me when i was emo. Dun emo kae? If not i'll feel emo as well.



...

Shit. I hate it when this happens. All of a sudden i'm feeling emo. It's like, it sneaks up on me and BAM, i feel emo. But not for no reason. Maybe i shouldn't be so easily influenced, but whatthehell, i feel emo after reading his post. And talking to ZM. And after what happened today. It's like i've been doing fine the whole..past couple of weeks or something. And now this. I guess i should have known it was just a matter of time before i relapsed. It's like some kinda withdrawal thing. Like emo-ing is something that's part of me now. Did any of you know this year was the year i cried the most? About the same as the number of times i cried from 2001 till 2007 dec 31. And it's not even the end of the year yet.

Crying wasn't my thing. Neither was emo-ing. When i was sad or emo, i used to get really pissed and start shouting at people so i wouldn't cry instead. But now, it's like i finally learnt to cry. Maybe it isn't that bad a thing. It showed me a side of myself i've never dared to let out. It's about time i found myself. And maybe this side of me, this more vulnerable side isn't that bad. Since i'm supposedly "unstable" and have so many mood swings, i guess i can continue doing that. Heck, I dun suppose people will be that surprised if i do myself in one of these days. It doesn't seem like such a bad idea now.

But then, i guess i was being really selfish. Even if i dun wanna think of myself, still gotta think of others. People who care about me, people who will be hurt. Or maybe i'm just deluding myself and no one (except someone) really cares.

Dun know what i'm writing. Dun really care. Dun care who reads this either. Just wanna get this outta my head. So much i wanna say. Argh. Dun you people know what is the meaning of PRIVACY? Like, personal space, time alone? I wanna do/ say the things i wanna do/ say. I hate it when there are so many stuffs to consider. I want my privacy back. I want it to continue being a secret, but i guess there's no turning back now. "Scandalous". Whatthehell. Too much publicity isn't a good thing. I never wanted this. I just wanted to be happy, okay? Whatthebloodyhell. NOW IT'S SO SCREWED. And i feel like doing something drastic. They all know anyway. What's the point?

They all think it's so...fun, so "cool" to hurt people where they're the weakest. So what if you know it all? I may do something to shock you all. Dun worry, if i'm gonna be punished it'll just be me. I'd rather die than let someone take the blame for/with me. I'll be responsible for the things i do. Ask no questions and i'll tell no lies. I dun wanna lie to people, but sometimes they leave me with no choice. So, sorry guys. It was never on purpose.

I need to talk to someone. It's not a want, it's a need. And i can tell it's not happening in the near future. Hell, is this really that wrong? If they can give me a better reason then maturity level and studies, i'm willing to listen. Otherwise, i think i'm quite sure of what i'm doing, thank you very much. And i'm not doing it for my image or my publicity or whatever crap you guys can come up with. I'm doing it for us. Enough said.

Emo-ness comes so easily but takes damn long to go away. But i welcome it back like an old friend. I'm such a weird person.

I'm on the brink of breakdown/ Need you there for me/ When the darkness ends, there's light

Later.

Can't think of one that would do this post justice

I realise that *most* of the time when i post, it's just to talk about emo stuff. And emo in front of the computer. LOL. At least this one *won't* be an emo post. I *swear*. It's gonna be a random one. =) Dun say i didn't warn you.

Now, what shall i talk about? Ooh, i know. *National Day*. Or National Day celebrations in school, since i didn't really watch the parade on television. It was *kinda*...fun. Or interesting. Whatever. The marching was okay... But couldn't really see much, since i wasn't standing in front. LOL. Not that it would have made *much* difference. I mean, i'm not a UG person, so wouldn't have been able to tell if they were marching *properly*. Sec 1 foramtion thingy after that. Everyone went to the grandstand. Again, couldn't really see, this time 'cause of the pillar. LOL. But seemed quite good, taking into account the *short* time the Sec 1s were given to practise. So...yeah, well done. The performances were also pretty good. Compared to the usual stuff. No offence though. But kinda no link to National Day. I'm not complaining though. They can have this every year. =)

LOL. Didn't realise that crapping can take up *so* much space. Anyway, after school i had to stay back. Pacer's test. Spent time shooting, eating lunch and banging on the canteen/ hall piano. I think the canteen one *seriously* needs to be tuned. Then...pacer's test. And i'm happy to say i've improved! From 6.9 to 8.2. Yay for me. LOL. Went home. Slacked. Didn't do homework.

Anyway, since this *is* a random post, i shall announce that i ran 5km today. In 31.15 mins. Yay. Then went home and did sit-ups, push-ups and any other form of exercise i could think of. Dunno why, just had a sudden random burst of energy. Just *had* to do some exercise. Call me a health nut, but that's me for you.

And i got new specs! Okay, maybe it looks abit like my old one but whatever. And i wore contacts to school for the *first* time on friday. =) LOL. I'm *really* random. And i want breaking dawn! Can't believe that popular doesn't have stock. What. The. Hell. Damn. Guess i'll just have to wait, but the suspense is killing me. =(

Anyway not much left to talk about. My tagboard's *dying*. Gotta think of ways to save it. LOL.

There's a Chance You Could Be Violent

Overall, you're a pretty chill person - and you have a good handle on your emotions. Sometimes your anger gets the best of you, and end up regretting how you act. Try to curb your temper more often. It only has to get out of control once to do some damage.

Could You Be Violent?

LOL. Searching for my ex-classmates' blogs now. Shh. A little help would be appreciated. LOL. Found denise's and ryan's blogs. Still finding. *Very* busy. More soon.

Later.

Disappointed. But that's life, i guess

Haiz. Kinda disappointed today, 'cause when i woke up i thought it would be a great day. Guess i was wrong - again. I never learn, do i? Maybe things will be different next time. I sure hope so. Short post today. Not really in the mood and school night anyway.

Later.

You Could Be a Vampire... If You Had To

Like most people, the thought of being a vampire has crossed your mind. But you're not sure if you'd do it, even if you could. Living forever doesn't sound half bad, if you could live forever with the people you love the most. But do vampires even love? And would the vampire version of you even be you? It's all too much to contemplate. Luckily, the chances of you ever becoming a vampire are astronomically low. What you would like best about being a vampire: Living forever What you would like least about being a vampire: Blood stained teeth

Could You Be a Vampire?

Your Kiss is Red

You are intense about kissing but easily distracted. You kiss for attention, power, and passion. It doesn't take a lot for you to want to kiss someone. If you see a kissing opportunity, you always go for it! Kissing Type: Kissaholic (admit it!) People See Your Kisses as: Seductive You Kiss Best With: An Orange Kisser Stay away from: A Blue Kisser

What Color Is Your Kiss?

You Are a Light Pink Rose

You represent sweetness and grace. Your vibe: Kind and gentle Falling in love with you: is like falling in love with a best friend

What Color Rose Are You?

Guys Like That You're Charming

You're the girl most guys can't get out of their heads Even if they met you on a bad hair day :-) You just seem to "click" with everyone you meet So even if a guy forgets about you for a second... his friends haven't!

What Do Guys Like About You?

Your Love is Represented by a Orange Rose

When you're in love, you tend to be overwhelmed and consumed by desire. You develop fascinations with people easily, and they're sometimes even borderline obsessions! You tend to come on strong. Your love is as hot as a flame.

What Rose Represents Your Love?

Random-ness. LOL.

Later.

Disillusioned

This isn't gonna be an emo post. At least, i dun mean for it to be. But i can't always control my emotions. It's just gonna be an in-your-face kinda post. Stuffs i've been thinking about lately. Even if it offends people. I mean, if i were emo about this...thing, i think i would've done myself in like, a dozen times. And i dun think this is worth it. Maybe i'm biased or whatever, but somehow i place affairs of the heart at a higher priority.

Maybe i'm really not trustworthy enough. Like, too emotionally unstable to be trusted or whatever. But hey, i know people who have just as many mood swings as me (maybe even more) but i still trust them. Even though not with all the truth at times, but sometimes the whole true story isn't mine to tell. I wish people would do the same. I mean, i may not be the best person to give advice or anything, but i promise i'll listen. And i always try to give the best advice i can. Give me a chance okay? SX isn't the only person to talk to. And save the crap about stealing others' boyfriend for someone who actually cares. I may be insecure and irrationally jealous, but not to that extent, for god's sake. And i have bigger problems to worry about than that.

Problems. Is that what my life consists of? I have problems keeping things secret, i have problems keeping my promises (even if they're just to myself) and i have problems with trust. Somehow it always comes down to trust. My parent's dun trust me, i dun trust them enough to tell them the truth, i dun trust anyone much - other than a few. Or maybe just one.

Maybe that's my problem. Not being trusting enough. It's kinda hard though. Like, past experiences and stuff. If i trust someone with a secret, somehow the secret would be out a few days later. So now i'm paranoid and stuff. And i dun trust many people. So in turn people dun trust me. I guess i kinda asked for it. Like, i can't expect people to trust me if i dun trust them, right? But sometimes it isn't just my problem. Sometimes it's their problem.

They think it's so straightforward and simple. But my life isn't all that good, okay? It may seem that way from the outside, but nothing's what it seems. I have my own troubles. "Life is a bed of roses - but roses have thorns". Maybe my life seems great, carefree and stuff. But that's just 'cause you ain't me.

You dun understand me. No one does. They think they know me, but the real me's under so many layers of masks that some days i'm not sure who i am either. The good student who hands in her work on time? The sarcastic bitch who's always ready with a sharp retort? The compulsive liar who lies about every single thing? The emo girl who has suicidal thoughts (and some half-hearted attempts)? Frankly, i dunno who i am. Maybe it's timefor some serious reflection. Do some soul-searching. It's cliched and horribly familiar, but that's really how i feel.

How can i interact properly with others when no one understands me - when i dun even know myself? Maybe i'm a sarcastic, attention-seeking, emo bitch. I'm not the nicest person around. I'm certainly not the easiest person to get along with. I'm not posting all this for sympathy. I dun need that. I dun want it. I want to be understood. I need to feel like i belong somewhere. Not aimlessly drifting around, waiting for time to go by.

Time. There seems to be too much, yet too little of it. Part of me wants nothing more than the end of this year. Yet another part wants this year to last forever. I may not have another chance, another shot at this. I wanna make good use of the time i have left. with him But it seems to be slipping through my fingrs. So many things i can't control. Sometimes i feel like my life's spiralling outta my reach. Any decision i make will never affect it, will never make a difference. And you know what? It sucks.

Been feeling so paranoid lately. And i guess it wasn't for nothing. My parents. Two teachers. Dun even know if they know the whole truth, but ambiguous hinting is bad enough. My parents threatened to call. How the hell can i prevent that? Sometimes i wonder if they know more than they're letting on. Teachers too. Hints all around and occasional names. WTH, can't they just come out with it? I dun mind any punishment they can give. It will still be worth it and given a chance, i'd do it all over again. But i dun wanna drag others down with me. I guess i'm like some kinda jinx. Anyone...associated with dun usually end up with happy endings. They dun end up happy in the end. I guess i'm bad influence amd horrible company.

So much more i feel like saying. But i dun think i will - or should. 'Cause as dumb as i can get, i know people will read this post.

Looking around, i'm alone/ On my own, for now/ I hope it's temporary

Standing alone in the crowd/ Darkness engulfs me/ Sinking into misery

GLittering blade, dangerous/ I long for its bite/ Sweet release, worries lost in pain

I'm not emo-ing, so dun worry about me. I'm fine, really. As fine as i can get. Dun worry. Really.

Later.

Lessons learnt

I'm back. LOL. Understatement. I'M BACK FROM WEST MALAYSIA. *smiles* The trip was rather fun. As in, bonding time and stuff. Slacking, basically. Makes me think it was the school hols all over again. It would have been better if we managed to pull off the class gathering thing, but i guess you can't have everything, huh? Fun trip and stuff but next week it's lessons as usual. *sighs*

And history prez on Monday. I'm actually quite...anxious. I'm scared i'll screw the prez up. As in, i dun think my prez skills are as good as the others in my group and i'm afraid i'll drag them down. So...sorry if i do. I'm not really very confident right now. LOL. Insecurity and stuff.

Anyway, on a lighter note. SX's blogging again. YAY. Some entertainment value at last. The last few months have gone by rather slowly. Especially the last month or so. Pleasepleaseplease dun stop blogging again. LOL. That despo. But it's true. Insecure, remember?

Btw, who heard of the SINGfest? 2 and 3 August? Oh my gawd i so wanna go. But wayy too ex. Unless someone wanna treat me. Hint, hint. LOL. I was kidding. I would never be able to accept it. Anything over 100 bucks is too ex. Wish there was some way to go. Argh. Never mind. Lots of stuff i want but can't get. Guess i should just be content for the moment.

And i've learnt an important lesson. Never trust Jeremy's movie recommendations. I went to watch Prom Night with a bunch of 2A people, and the movie was totally crappy. No plot at all. The bad guy just keeps killing people (stabbing them with a knife, actually) and the good guys just keep dying. And no eye candy either. Which is totally sad. And a waste of 8.50 bucks. I still wanna watch The Dark Knight though. Hopefully it wouldn't disappoint. I'm open to invitations, but i kinda got some idea of who i'm watching with. LOL. Hopefully it's possible.

Anyway, to make this post seem longer, i'm gonna do some quizzes. Yay. So typical me.

Your Flirt Quotient

You are 67% Flirt

Are You a Flirtatious Woman?

LOL. Anyway, that's all.

Later.